Thursday, December 24, 2009

Elf Madness

The eggnog was chilling nicely in a large cut-crystal bowl when Rufus found it. He looked to the east, he looked to the west. Everyone was busy making toys, wrapping gifts, and loading the sled. He hated Christmas. It was all work, work, work. Three hundred years of slaving for the old man and snot-nosed brats had gotten to him.

Not that he was bitter or anything. Rufus was a good elf. He worked hard, but he needed a break. Maybe he should vacation in Tahiti. He felt a moment's indecision as he looked around the room one more time. It was nearly time for the workshop to close. Everyone would pile into the dining hall and fill their cups with yummy eggnog. It was now or never.

Carefully he unscrewed the cap and poured the bottle of rum into the bowl. He stirred it with a stifled snicker. This was one way to take the edge off and liven the joint up a bit. He concealed the empty bottle under his vest and slipped out of the room--unseen.

A short while later Grouff, the foreman, called the end of day for the workers. They cheered happily that Christmas was two days away. They sang carols and laughed as they filed into the dining hall. The chefs had prepared a feast of ham and mashed potatoes and bread pudding. The bounty was spread across the table, capped off with fresh fruit and eggnog. A line formed as they filled their plates and poured eggnog into their cups.

Rufus watched from the far corner, waiting. Merry stood beside him and took his hand in hers. Her pretty face smiled at him and her nose crinkled a bit. He liked its little upturned tip. "Where have you been Ruffey?" He squeezed her hand and reassured her, "I've been here, Sweetheart." He kissed her cheek and bid her to go eat while there was still food to be had.

A half hour into the meal Santa noticed that the singing was louder than usual. He searched the room and looked closely at the flushed faces of his elves as they laughed and carried on. The huge bowl of eggnog was nearly empty. Henry and Carmichael were squabbling at the back of the room. Jenny was flirting with several of the elves around her--even those who were married. Why were they acting so strange? He couldn't imagine.

Santa stood up to call the ruckus to order when chaos broke out. Gary ripped his shirt off and yelled like Tarzan as he swung from the chandelier. Cheers and whistles roared across the room. Rufus crouched in the corner doubled-over laughing. Santa yanked the elf up by his collar. "What have you done to them, Rufus?"

Tears streamed down Rufus' face and he could scarcely breathe from laughing so hard. "I spiked the eggnog, Sir." Santa's cheeks burned. Jenny began dancing on the table and Gary was now acting like a monkey--hanging upside-down from the chandelier. Several fights broke out. Some of the younger elves where trying to climb up to the other chandelier. It was madness. Rufus laughed harder. Santa growled at him, "You have list duty tomorrow. I hope you've enjoyed your prank. Production better not suffer in the morning." He released the hysterical little elf and retired to his bedroom.

Before long, his wife joined him. She winked at him and he noticed a suspicious sparkle in her eyes. She trailed fingers up the front of his pajamas. "What's a girl gotta do to make your naughty list?" He groaned and pushed her away. "Mother, have you been in the eggnog tonight?" She stood up and started to sing "Santa Baby" while unbuttoning her blouse. He sat up straight and cried out--"Mother!" She winked at him and dropped garment after garment until his cheeks stung red with embarrassment for her lack of shame. Then she crawled up him--still singing sweetly. He put his hands on her shoulders to stop her. "Woman, you've been drugged! Rufus spiked the eggnog. Just get some sleep before you do something to earn a lump of coal."

She sat back on her heels and cocked her head to the side she laughed at him, buzzing cheerily. "Oh, Papa, I'm after a lump alright. But it isn't coal." She wriggled her eyebrows at him suggestively and straddled his hips. She leaned in close and rubbed her cheek against his scruffy beard. Then she tickled his big belly before kissing him hotly. With a clap of her hands the light went out. She nipped teasingly as his lips and whispered against his shocked mouth, "Where do you think Rufus got the rum?"

Merry Christmas everybody!!!

Thursday, December 17, 2009


The room spun as they embraced. Tongue rushing over tongue, hands searching out and finding pleasure. They fell entwinded on the bed. The room filled with lust and like and love. He hitched up her skirt and stroked her hips tenderly. She tugged his shirt off and kissed and nipped at his shoulders.

They'd known each other for a while and this tryst was long overdue. They wispered and moaned in hushed tones, moving as one. He pushed between her thighs and his beautiful green eyes glazed over with lust. She smiled and propped herself up to kiss his sweet mouth. His beard tickled her soft skin and she gasped as he began to move in slow strong strokes.

It was amazing to hold him, to touch him after so long. She almost cryed--so overcome with love and emotion. He barely made a sound as he brought them closer and closer to heaven. She closed her eyes and arched--unable to hold back. She came for him with wild abandon, crying out his name, clutching the sheets. Her body milking his finished him off and he froze as he filled her with seed.

He wrapped his arms around her and rolled her to the side. He held her tightly and buried his face in her hair, delighting in her scent. She stroked his arms for a moment before disengaging herself from his embrace. He looked at her in confusion, "What are you doing, Babe?" She smiled at him and kissed him deeply. He stirred again as she tugged roughly on his lower lip with her teeth. She snuggled against his chest and scoffed, "Just friends, my ass."

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Drunk Hovering

Lights flicker on the saucer
Farmer squints into the darkened sky
Tracks form in the corn
Another crop circle makes the six o'clock news

"Stop flying drunk!"
Screams the commander
His brightly colored decorations blind the Lt.
"Not flying--hiccup--hovering."

"Damn it Lt. you know the humans will report this!"
The Lt. slumps over snoring--shit-faced-drunk
The commander groans and rubs his temple
"I'm not getting demoted over this."

He kicks the Lt. to the floor
And steers the craft away
Taking off at hyper-speed
He cinges the farmer's crops

The farmer looks at his charred crops
He chews on a blade of grass
His wife joins him and says,
"Wish those damn foreigners could drive."

Cookie Monster

Tip-toe past the door
Creep up past the couch
Crawl onto the counter

Quite. Quite. Hush.
Don't drop the jar
Reach my grubby fingers in

Lick the mess away
Quite though--don't wake Mom
Mmmmmm...Midnight cookies!

Monday, December 7, 2009

Sing Along

Singing along with a song
I know every word
Makes me smile
Makes me feel like me

A welcome distraction
A pleasant childhood memory
Driving in the car
Singing with my Mom

Sunlight peeking through the trees
A trip to the beach
Water splashing over brown little feet
Funny what a lyric can invoke

Funny that it was so long ago
Feels like yesterday
When things were simpler
No man to complicate my life

No struggle to make ends meet
No people to be responsible for
Just warmth and laughter
Free as only children can be

*Written while listening to John Denver, "Sunshine On My Shoulders"

Sunday, December 6, 2009


You're such a fool
A crazy man
To take a heart that's pure
And to crush it under your feet

You don't want the complication
You don't want the frustration

So you think I'm disposable
You think you can toss me away
And be my friend?
You think to drown me in drink

I don't want the devastation
I don't want the isolation

I wanted to love you
To cover you in messy kisses
I wanted to be with you
To be a part of you

But you've broken my fascination
You've ruined every declaration

I was only ever sweet to you
I was only ever good to you
We laughed, we had fun
But it wasn't ever enough for you


Love burning in my chest
A time-bomb 'neath my breast
Kisses yet received
Words that I believed

Promises that linger
Crook your little finger
And I come falling once again
No pride, so why pretend?

I go where love leads
I wait and heart bleeds
So stupid to cry like this
So stupid to crave your kiss

Who pushes away the one they care for?
So selfish and cruel, yet you take more
I lick the wounds and seal my fate
Trying hard not to turn to hate

Have to stop obsessing now
Lest I lose sanity somehow
Self-preservation calls
Dump him and rebuild my walls

I opened up a vein for you
Let you see inside because you asked me to
This is how I am repaid?
Silence...silence staid?

Thursday, December 3, 2009


Everything is shifting sand slipping through my grasp. Plans laid down with hopeful joy have eroded into nothingness. The future is dark and uncertain drifting in a cold abyss. The sun seems so far away and stingy with its warmth. Little faces peer with elfin eyes and question everything. But I have no answers to offer. Everyday is difficult, lonely.

I close my eyes and feel the walls close in. They say I'm crazy. They say the walls aren't budging, but I see it. I might be crazy, but I still see it. Everything is changing--becoming something else. I wake and force myself to bathe, to dress, to put one foot in front of the other and take care of the elfin creatures. I force myself to endure and hope to one day break free of this jail cell, free of this depression.

I look forward to walking into the sun. Maybe I'll burst into flames. Maybe it'll just warm the chill locked inside my bones. Whatever the case...I long for wide open spaces and clear blue skies. I dream of lazy days and ice tea. Once I dreamed of kisses soft and sweet. But kisses bring pain. Kisses bring cold. Kisses brought me here.

I walk across the quicksand and pack school lunches. I run cold hands over cold arms. I kiss elfin children goodbye. I paint a smile on dry lips and dress to impress. Another interview. Another failure. Another day in this cold place. Another day without you. I'm on auto-pilot, lost without you, Babe.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009


Whispered words
On heated breath
In your ear

Free flowing
All around
Two heartbeats
In sync

A rhythm
Only felt
Held close

A kiss
On dewy lips
That trail

And circle
And draw
Across taut skin

Just a moment
Lost once imagined
In my heart


Tuesday, December 1, 2009


I know your face so well
I've traced the lines
As we talked
As we laughed

I know your voice
Better than I know my own
I've closed my eyes
And felt it hum in my ears

I'm trying to be good
And not pester you
But I miss you
And love you loads

Monday, November 30, 2009

It's Love

Every song reminds me of you
Every joke sounds like your laugh
Every step takes me closer to you

But every now and then I steal a moment
for myself
I take a deep breath and step back

Cock my head and squint at you
Are you what you seem?
Beautiful and flawed?

And I wonder if I'm doing the right thing
Dragging you into my maddness
I wonder if I can handle yours

Such a mess...the two of us
Drawn together by unseen bonds
Unfit for anyone else

What a pair
And body misses yours
My heart aches for you

No one else understands
They don't see me
Not like you do

I know it's love
I feel it in my heart
I feel it in my pores

I belong to you
You belong to me
Kiss my mouth and I'll kiss yours

Right or wrong
Safe or not
I want you

Just you
Only you
No one else can fill the void

Sunday, November 29, 2009


Falling in love should be easy
A golden ray upon my heart
But the truth is frightening
A darkness baying

Would you still want me
If I came to you
With all of my sins
Crashing around me?

Would you still kiss me
If you saw what I see
If you looked inside
And touched the shadows there?

The heat of me...burns
I don't want to burn you
The darkness grows and devours
Everything in its wake

I don't want you lost in it
The truth is that I'm changing
Body, mind, and soul
Becoming someone else

So whose heart am I offering?
And what will I do if you go?
Could I survive you?
Only God knows

But I can't say these things to you
I smile and wink and flirt
And play the courtesan
I spin my web...behind broken glass

Too fragile to embrace you fully
Too in love to let you go
What's a girl to do?
When all I want is to be with you...

Tuesday, November 24, 2009


What’s in your eyes, Love?
What do you feel—
When we talk?
When we’re together?

Is it lust?
Is it more?

What’s in your smile?
Are you teasing?
Is it sex?
Is it love?

So hard
This distance

Close my eyes
And wish for you
To touch your face
And watch your features change

Would you close your eyes?
Lean your face into my touch?

Will you moan when I taste you?
Or would you be silent?
I want to know, Love
I need to see

Will you love me forever?
Will you say what you mean?

So many questions
Curiosity eating away at me
Need becoming impatient
A driving force

Just to hold you
To touch your hand
To press your lips against mine
Would be heaven…would be bliss

Monday, November 23, 2009


Slave to earthly pleasures
Drawn to your textures
Knowing it could fail
Knowing you might sail—

Wanting you to stay
Needing so much to say
“Won’t you come and play?”

Slow hypnotic drug
Shove me forward on the rug
No excuses
Sick of nooses

Need to feel you Boy
Got to give you joy
Say the word, I’ll begin
Pull you deep within

I just want a taste of you
Whet my appetite like you do
Never knew someone like you
Feel so raw and brand new

I'm reacting to you
Your curious moods
They drive me mad
But I’m so glad

Just to know you
Just to love you
Come here—love me
Babe—rock into me

Enjoy this crazy ride
Gasp as you slip inside

Slide your hands down my arms
Lock fingers, work your charm

Hard against my back
Stretched until I crack
Why deny it?
I can’t fight it

Gotta lay down for you
Feel you do what you do
So driven

Sunday, November 22, 2009


Sometimes emotion grips me
Constricts my throat
Locks away the words

My voice fails me
Tears well up and fall
For no reason at all

I look at your picture
And my heart aches
One half of a whole

I think of your words
Your laugh
Your voice

And I'm helpless, Babe
Just a woman with no more inhibitions
I'm floating without a life jacket

Drifting closer to you
I'm so effing in love
You take my breath away.

Friday, November 20, 2009

The Berserker

He was a heavy metal nightmare. Garbed in iron from head to toe, he cleaved his opponents with a mighty swing. Axe, sword, bare hands, it mattered not. He was a beast on the field, brutal and cruel. He waged through a river of blood until he was the last one standing.

He was the son of a great warrior, their lineage legendary. A family of berserkers the villagers whispered. None dare look him in the eye. He was a feral mountain moving across the landscape, his thirst for blood never quenched. His shadow frightened the bravest of men. He drug himself from the battlefield, weary, but never showing it.

He trudged through the slain and dying. He dropped the opposing king’s head before his own king. “I’ve done my part, old man. Now do yours.” Without waiting for a response, the berserker reached a hand into the old man’s chest and ripped out his beating heart. He took a bite while the old man watched, dying slowly. The berserker threw the still twitching heart on the ground and walked away.

He was king now, his word law. But his thoughts were elsewhere.

The house was sturdy, but plain—nothing to indicate wealth or power. A stable boy collected his horse and darted away quickly. His boots fell heavy on the stone floor, announcing his arrival. “Sir, the missus is waiting for you,” a servant said in a rush. She scurried off, eyes downcast. He took the stairs three at a time, heading straight for his bedroom. He hesitated only briefly at the door. Stealing himself against the worst he pushed the door open.

She lay in the bed looking pale and worn, a tiny bundle in her arms. He stopped just short of the bed. She smiled at him and held out a hand. “Why so quiet, Love? Come here. Come meet your daughter.” His brow creased, confusion mixed with emotions he didn’t recognize. “Daughter?” His wife laughed a full beautiful laugh and his heart clenched in his big chest. “Yes, Husband. Come meet your daughter.”

He walked over and sat gingerly on the bed. “Are you…” he began, but the words failed him. “I’m fine,” she said and stroked his bloody cheek with the back of her hand. Her knuckles were soft and white and he pressed her hand against his face, closing his eyes for just a moment. He looked at the little baby, sleeping so soundly in her mother’s arms. She was so tiny, so breakable.

His wife seemed to know what he was thinking and she said softly, “You’re not as big as you think. She’s not so small, hold her. Hold your baby.” She pushed the baby into his arms and he nearly panicked. But then a strange thing happened. Wetness dripped from his eyes and he stared helplessly at the teeny creature in his arms. Arms that had destroyed, hacked and cleaved and killed, were now cradling an angel. His wife’s laugh broke the moment.

She grinned at him, enjoying his moment of weakness. “What would the people say if they saw their famed berserker crying over a baby girl!” She laughed uncontrollably and he scowled at her. “I’m sorry, Love,” she said, “It’s just so sweet.” She leaned up, wincing in pain as she did, and brushed a warm kiss over his lips. She was exhausted and had to lay back almost immediately. But his heart filled with love for her and the baby.

He stood up and walked around the room, holding the infant close. He looked out the window and told his wife, “I’m King now. The old man is dead.” He turned to look at her, but she was already asleep. Some berserker he was, ignored in his own home. He tweaked the baby’s nose and laid her in the cradle. Time to wash off the blood.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009


The rhythm pounds hypnotically
A deep reverberating sound
Echoes in my blood
Crawls along my skin

A drug that drives me
A tie that binds me
Slave to the beat
I move unconsciously

Close my eyes and sway
Small soft smile
A million miles
Away from here

Launch the escape pod
Stars explode behind my eyes
Body rocking
And the music calls

The wail of the guitar
The singer’s voice
Almost a sexual ache
Just a song

Doing strange things to me
Making me wish for things
Lyrics searing my soul
Makes me think of you

It’s just a song
Just a drum beat
Nothing more
Can’t open my eyes

Body rocking
Feeling so much
And it’s building…building…
Gotta melt into you…

Monday, November 16, 2009


The wind is a cutting thing—a brutal force wrecking all in its path. It sears with icy tendrils, whipping hair in my eyes. Tears sting and fall, freezing on my lashes. A biting, burning cold, it ekes its way through my bones. My thighs tremble and steps falter as I wedge myself against its force.

It wasn’t always this way. There was sunlight and warmth in this place once. A deep resounding joy used to exist here. But they came and took the sun away. The Others. The ones who offered love and light and lust—they came and took. They took the women. They took the warmth. They took the sun. They left lies and loss in their wake. And cold—they left the cold.

I’m the last woman here. And I walk alone. I cling to the shadows, in hiding. The baby pressed close to my breast, I try to offer warmth. I’m willing her to live. Not to sustain our species, we’re doomed. I’m sure of that. I’m willing her to live because the mother in me refuses to let go of hope. I refuse to let her die.

She whimpers in my arms, turns her searching mouth to my breast. I turn my back to the cruel wind and open my coat enough to adjust my breast. She finds my nipple and starts sucking. I smile and wince in pain. She’s such a greedy thing. A small pink, wiggling, greedy child—I have to keep her safe. I quickly zip my coat up again.

My fingers tremble, blue with cold. I turn toward the wind again, my face raw and cracking. There’s a cave up ahead, a safe place, it’s a secret passageway in and out of the monastery. It was a sanctuary for the monks before the Others came. I remember playing here as a child. I remember their chants. I remember the carnage. I fight the twinge of pain the memory brings. The image of the monks falling one by one, not fighting, just falling in quiet protest has stayed with me all of these long days. They laid down their lives with dignity.

The young men from the village hadn’t been so quiet. They’d fought. They had wanted to live, to mate, to marry. But the Others needed women. They needed fertile women to repopulate their planet. So they came and lured ours—then stole those who couldn’t be tricked.

Save me. I saw the evil in their words, the selfishness in their eyes. Seers always know. I watched them cut down Saul. I watched his blood fall. I watched his eyes glass over and go dark. I felt his child kicking in my womb as if she knew. I buried him under our tree. I covered his beautiful body with jade colored rocks. I sang our old songs. But I didn’t cry. He was gone.

I ran away. I stole into the hills and ate berries. I turned to our old ways. And I watched from a distance as the Others raped our world, murdered our men, and took our women. I called on the heavens to help us. But no answer came. And then one day the Others took our sun and left. They loaded their vessels and I watched their glowing lights get swallowed by the darkness.

The animals are dying. The plants can’t thrive in this dark cold world. It won’t be long before there’s nothing left to eat. The few survivors in the village are already warring. I had a vision of horror. I saw them killing each other and cooking the meat off their brothers' bones.

Our species is so fragile, so prone to despair. They lash out when they should draw together. But it matters not. We are doomed, the Others saw to it. I climb the rocks leading up to the old monastery. I see the statues of the monks' God. It’s a God I never served, but I bow and nod in respect anyway. I pray She will keep us safe.

I go to the food stores and find grain. Good. Praise be. I run frozen hands over the squirming lump sucking me dry. I’m so tired, so alone. No. I’m not alone. I have Rayanna. I smile to myself and pat her soothingly. There’s enough grain to last a good while.

I go looking for items to burn, to give us warmth. Bed linens, curtains, any cloth or wood that’s dry enough will do. I create a pile in the great hall. I light it with a match. Soon warmth fills the space. I unzip my coat and hold Rayanna close to me. She smacks her tongue against her gums making little slurping sounds in her sleep. My sweet angel. I rock her slowly and sing softly to her. I kiss her forehead with cracked lips.

We’ll sleep here tonight, next to the fire. But come morning I’ll move us and the grain to the cave. No one else knows where it is. So we’ll be safe there. And it’s deep in the ground with natural warmth, a hot spring flows through it. The monks used it for ceremonies, believing it to be sacred. But nothing’s sacred anymore. The deities have abandoned us.

I brush away a tear. I’ll not mourn for old ways lost. I’ll not mourn at all. I hold my baby closer and kiss her once more. I’m so tired that I’m asleep before I know it…

Can't Get This Song Out of My Head

Wednesday, November 11, 2009


Iggy--I forget his dimensions, but he's large as well. I like working on a large scale. I want to do a mural someday. Anyway he's acrylic and India ink on stretched canvass and paper. The blue section is tissue paper over blue paint. Lots a fun, old Iggy.


Patti in Progress...

I'm still not writing like I should be so...more art! Lmao.

This is a painting of Patti Smith and some imagery from her songs...I'm not finished with it yet. I need to re-work the flowers and church. But it's interesting. I have a weakness for color, lol. Latin blood, what can I say?

I apologize for the wacky angles. I had to take it outside and prop it up to get some decent light. It's rather large: oils on a 40"x50" canvass.

Monday, November 9, 2009

Odds and Ends

Dunno what to post about today...can't write a single poem. That's strange for me, lol. So consider this my misc. post.

This was taken for photography class. It's my little monkeys at 2 and 3 years old. Noah is the screamer, Gabriel's staring off distractedly. So true to form. Hehehe.

This one is Noah at Dawes, a state park in OH. I just liked the colors, textures, and contrast between his red shirt and the trees... Plus, Dawes rocks!

Some art. Why not? Lol. I was messing around with different techniques. It's nothing major, just fun and colorful.


Saturday, November 7, 2009

Friday, November 6, 2009

NaNo Excerpt: The Ranting of a Deranged Woman

Tears streamed down her face and pain raked rancid claws along her throat. She couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think. This mind-fuck was destroying her. Her heart lay bloody at his feet, a gaping wound in her chest. She knew better than to fall in love.

She’d avoided it for years. She’d convinced herself that she could live without it. But then he’d come along and pursued her. Told her so many things, gave her hope, and before she’d known it—she was in love with him. She was a fool. She was a stupid, stupid girl, to trust the man so completely, to believe the dream he had painted. Why had she ever believed she could have happiness?

Hadn’t life kicked her in the teeth enough before? After everything she’d survived it was criminal to be this naive. The reality was that she was a mother and couldn’t afford to cry her eyes out and lose her mind over Sammy. Either he loved her and would come to his senses or he didn’t and she would come to hers. Only time would tell.

Anton Gully

You say love is hard
But that's a lie
You're over-complicating things again
Take a breath and ease your mind

Love is patient and kind
It's unconditional and forgiving
It's compassionate and freeing
Love is what I'm offering you

It's my last ditch plea
My heart's request
Reach out to me
I'll welcome you home

Take the chance
You know you want to
Don't make the mistake
Of throwing us away

You need to write
Who could understand better than I?
Who could love you better?
Accept you more?

Please don't go back to being a rock
Talk to me and let's sort it out
We owe it to ourselves to see this through
Haven't I been good to you?

Whatever the problem
We can face it together
If you'll trust me the way
You asked me to trust you

Keep your promises, Love
Be patient and this uncertainty will pass
Just don't be rash
And say goodbye too soon...


My favorite toy is AWOL
Took a leave of absence
Left to my own devices
So I've found a new toy

Not nearly as sweet
Doesn't tell jokes
Doesn't call me Kitten or pet
But at least it's hanging around

I miss my favorite toy, love him loads
Can't wait till I can see him again
But in the meantime...
I'll play games with his substitute

It's not so bad really
Left to play all alone
Oh my! The substitute vibrates, hehehe
That's more than my favorite toy could do


Thursday, November 5, 2009

Welcome Back Alice

Fall down the rabbit hole
Stay away from the shrooms

Look in the funny mirror
Laugh at the distorted girl standing there

Chase the white rabbit
No don't

Have some pride, Alice
Just stay on the path and you'll find him eventually

The Cheshire cat is a bitch
Swirling smoke and spinning lies

Come have tea with the Mad Hatter
Clean up the March Hare's vomit

Sop up the mess
Change your party dress

What happened to the white rabbit?
He's typing furiously, preoccupied

Wander aimlessly, Alice
Take a bow drama queen

What happened to the sun?
It's so dark here in the rabbit hole

Paint your lips into a joker's smile
Really shouldn't have eaten the shrooms

Dance around to wild tunes
Chase the Mad Hatter and March Hare around the table

Gleeful giggles of the half insane
So much fear and pain

"She was always a sensitive girl"
Pull the ribbons from your hair

Grown women behave with dignity
Stop acting like a spoiled child

Dig a foothold and climb out of the rabbit hole
Slip and fall and try again

Fuck the Queen of Hearts
She's just a dirty whore

Sit at the bottom and see the sun so far away
A tiny ray at the top of the rabbit hole

Cry and cry and cry the ache away
Welcome back Alice

Hope you enjoy your stay.

*** I'm having one of those days, not fit for human interaction. My apologies. Maybe I'll just lose myself in NaNo for awhile...think I could muster up something ugly today, lol. My poor characters, good thing they're imaginary. ;D

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Love Come...

Love come lightly
Tickle gently
Tread on quiet feet
And warm kisses greet

Love come slowly
Tease and linger lowly
Sigh and ease and please
Seek and take release

Love come by
Give faith a try
Open hearts and arms embrace
Stroking lips and face

Love come here
Lean in near
And stay awhile
Snuggle close and smile

Love come trust
This is more than lust
Hold tight and enjoy the day
Hold hands, no words to say

Love behold
Secrets told
Promises and plans made
A future yet unpaved

Love come see
A simple life with me
Laughter, warmth, and happiness
Lovely nights to banish loneliness

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Monday, November 2, 2009

Embers Continued

The creature slithered across the landscape leaving a black ooze in it's wake. The wildlife were eerily quiet as the traveler stalked his prey. The beast absorbed everything in it's path, drawing debris and living organisms alike into it's bulbous form.

The stench of decay was nearly tangible as rolled over the traveler's tongue. He'd smelled the thing before. Fought it before, none of this was new to either of them. He knew what tricks the creature preferred, but the traveler was ready for them this time.

Slowly the traveler closed in and used the stench of the beast to cover his own scent--giving him the advantage of surprise. He pounced near the thing, careful not to touch it, lest he be devoured by the ravenous beast and drove the spear into what must be it's back. There was a popping sound followed by a hiss and a new depth to the noxious fumes as black gas poured from the beast.

It slithered to a halt and turned it's empty sockets toward the traveler. "You," it garbled through the filth and trash and remains protruding from it's body. The traveler tipped his hat politely and replied, "always."

The creature laughed and the objects forming its body shifted until a lone skeleton fell limply forward. Her once raven hair hung in muddy strings, the flesh long since decayed from her bones, but she still wore the tattered dress he remembered. The creature caressed her face...or where her face should have been...and growled to her, "awaken."

Slowly her bones began to crack and creak as they moved. She made a soft hissing sound as she extracted herself from the monster's belly and she walked toward the traveler on unsteady legs. Her once beautiful yellow dress swirling around her ankle bones. "My love," she hissed and reached for the traveler. Her gruesome, fleshless smile a mockery of the beauty she'd been in life. Her decayed hands wrapped around his shoulders and she croaked, "give me a kiss, pet."

The traveler's chest tightened, his love for this woman unyielding, but he'd been prepared for this trick. Delilah was long gone and this rag doll was naught more than a puppet. Still...he embraced her one last time and danced with his dead bride. Tears streaming down his face, he waltzed her to the edge of the clearing. And quick as a flash he spun her round as he had before the beast had come and stolen her away. As she spun he doused her with gasoline and tossed a match at her. He sobbed as the night sky lit up with her burning bones and filled with her shrieks.

Then he ran at the monster and pummeled it with grenades. He dove into the underbrush and rolled down the hill, his old bones cracking as he rolled over fallen branches and rocks. Just as he reached the bottom an explosion racked the countryside. Birds burst, squawking, from the trees. He smiled, knowing he'd done it this time. The thing was surely dead.

He climbed up the hill and ran into the woods, gagging and covering his face as he went. Decay and filth and rot sagged in the air, pressing against the traveler's lungs. But the beast was blown to smithereens! He laughed out loud, not caring that his lungs were rasping and struggling to breathe in the sludge polluting the air.

With a flourish, he bowed and tipped his hat to the smoking embers and goo that remained. His heart was whole again, his vow to his Delilah finally fulfilled. She was free of the monster. She was his again. He turned on his heel and walked away.

As the sound of the traveler's retreating boot-steps shrank in the distance a small glob of goo inched it's way toward a pile of ash. The earth gurgled and moaned and purged itself of the beast. And slowly, unknown to the traveler, the creature began to re-assimilate.

Sunday, November 1, 2009

Pecan Pie

1/2c brown sugar
1/2 stick of butter
1c light corn syrup
1tbsp flour
1tsp vanilla
2 eggs (slightly beaten)
12oz pecans
1 unbaked pie shell

Preheat oven to 375. Put pie shell in a 9in pie pan.

In a heavy saucepan melt butter, mix flour in the butter. Add corn syrup, sugar, vanilla, eggs, and pecans. Pour into prepared pie shell. Bake for 40-50 minutes or until set (barely jiggles in center).

Yum :)

Saturday, October 31, 2009

NaNo and Embers

Mood music:

I'm struggling with inspiration and NaNo. Can't say this whole thing is something I ever thought of doing. I tend to snub deadlines and restrictions. I'm an organic writer and artist. Meaning, I channel whatever is in my head or life via my work. It's not something that can be forced or coldly calculated. But I'm gonna try this thing out and see what happens, I guess. Lol.

So....some random writing to get the juices flowing... ;D


A roughly lit castle perched precariously atop the cliff loomed in the distance. A lone eagle flew to it's nest. The barren trees swayed bony arms toward the heavens. And the traveler sat stoking the dying embers of a small fire. The brim of his hat crowded his features, framing them into a shadowed mosaic of eyes, nose, and mouth.

He was a drifter, a stranger to this village. The common folk regarded him with suspicion as he swirled the chunky coffee in his mug and spat out the grounds. A filter was a luxury and he'd decided years ago to shun all luxuries. He leaned back and patted his full belly. He'd come here chasing the beast. He was always chasing the beast.

He could smell it's stench thick in the cooling breeze. The night was turning cold as the leaves shuddered to the ground. It was mid-October and the winter chill was already beckoning. Every so often a wail would catch on the wind and tease the traveler. His head would cock toward the ominous sound and he would listen with anticipation curling tighter in his gut.

The beast had taken something from him long ago--a priceless treasure impossible to replace. And the traveler was honor bound to exact revenge for the loss he'd suffered.

Again the wail caught and hung in the air like a bloated pig, screeching as the butcher's blade comes crashing down. To the West! The traveler kicked dirt over the glowing ashes and took off in a flash. He moved swiftly toward the wail, eager to wrap up the battle tonight.

To be continued...

Sappy Love Poem (Again)

The moments tick by unhurried
My face buried
In the crook of your neck
I grin shyly and look a wreck

Dreams are such an easy thing
Give flight to broken wings
Love pouring all around
Treasure the bliss we've found

I've become a corny poet
A sappy, love-sick know-it
Soft words to match imaginary kisses
Sharp fantasies become blurry wishes

And yet...
No regret...
Just a simple craving not to be denied
A quiet rhythm pounding, needing satisfied

Open arms, open mouths, searching fingers
Open hearts, just a dream, but God, it lingers
Sigh and stretch against you
Welcome-warm and soft-subdued

A simple girl with simple dreams
A randy boy toying with my seams
It's a fairytale
Bound to fail

But hope forges strong
And guides us both along
An annoying couple who say too much
And drag the private into open rush

But who cares, Love?
Who cares?
Close your eyes and kiss me sweet
And dream and dream, until we meet...

Thursday, October 29, 2009

No Doubt Rules!

Hella Good-- Love that song, dirty and danceable. Hell yeah.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Monday, October 26, 2009

Wild Things

"Come and play with me"
I say with a naughty wink
Let's play like kids
Run and splash in puddles

Chase me, Gorgeous
I won't run too far
I'll let you catch me
And we'll tumble to the grass

Laugh and roll in Autumn leaves
I'll pick them from your hair
And kiss you sweet
I'll be your troublemaker

Come be my brat
Stroke my cheek and nuzzle my neck
Make me squirm and giggle
Like we're teens again

Let's egg the neighbor's car
And crank call the grocer
Let's act like morons
For just a while yet

Let's go parking
Play twister to get around the gearshift
I love you, Babe
I'm your troublemaker and you're my brat

We'll be practical tomorrow
Go to work
And act like grownups
Make love in bed like usual

But for today let's find some trouble
Find some joy in naughty things
Let's be wild and free and young
I'll load the paintball gun--you grab your coveralls!

Ms. Smith and Bruce say it better than I ever could...

"...Have I doubt when I'm alone
Love is a ring, the telephone
Love is an angel disguised as lust
Here in our bed until the morning comes
Come on now try and understand
The way I feel under your command
Take my hand as the sun descends
They can't touch you now,
Can't touch you now, can't touch you now
Because the night belongs to lovers
Because the night belongs to lust
Because the night belongs to lovers
Because the night belongs to us...

...Forgive, the yearning burning
I believe it's time, too real to feel
So touch me now, touch me now, touch me now..."

A Song for My Muse, lmao!

The music swells
The beat is hypnotic
Your hands on me
My hands on you

You know what you do
You got me
Where you want me

It's a dirty secret, Love
Don't play hard to get
A gentle tussle
A flexed muscle

You know what you do
You got me
Where you want me

High on you
Crawling up your body again
Toss my hair

And dance for you
Smile for you
Spread wide and arch for you
My Brat, the beat is driving me wild

You know what you do
You got me
Where you want me

Music pulsing
Flesh grinding
Yes...right there
Babe, you're a heady brew

You know what you do
You got me
Where you want me

*Wrote this while listening to Justin

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Thursday, October 22, 2009


Your face is the first thing I wanna see
when I wake up
The last thing I imagine
when I go to sleep at night

The flare of your nostrils
The quirk of your lips
Your green eyes twinkling
Have captured my attention

I think of your voice
When I'm alone
When I'm in a crowded room
When everything is chaos spinning around me

And it brings me peace, brings me joy
Your words spark a smile from deep inside
And spreads warmth across my heart

Until the only words left are these--
I'm yours, Babe
For as long as you want me

Just a Few Childhood Idols

Paula Abdul Straight Up

Belinda Carlisle Mad About You

Yeah...I'm a product of American Pop Culture and proud of it. Lol. :)

Monday, October 19, 2009

Morning Drive to Work

Long winding country road
Black snake beckoning
Soft breeze swaying
Cool crisp air and clear blue skies

Bejeweled trees dripping
Crimson, orange, and yellow ocher leaves
Golden sunlight peeking through
School bus stops and kids jump on

Good tunes on the radio
I'm singing along too loudly
Smile on my lips
And you on my mind

It's gonna be a good day.


The hours tick by
And the days blur
One chore after another
Never done

A day, a week, a year
Never come too soon
To be rid of this misery
To be free again

I remember freedom
I can see it shinning in my past
The feel of sunlight on my skin
The laughter bubbling from within...

Time has screeched to a halt
Pitting husband against wife--bitter enemies
Emotions run the gambit
And crackle in the air

Divorce never looked so welcoming
Never felt so right or near
It's come to this then
Time to go, to say goodbye

Lest someone take a misstep
And the fragile skin of friendship crumble
I'm looking at you with hatred in my eyes
And clenched fists, feral teeth exposed

It's long past time to part ways
To rip off the bandage and let the scab heal
Pet and soothe my children fast asleep
And hide in rooms where you aren't

Come on time! Step it up!
Let me go and be free
Light the match and burn the wreck already
And I'll find happiness in the aftermath of ruin

Peace in the funeral
Toss the flower on the grave and turn away
"Here lies the wreckage of a marital fraud"
Good riddance.

Friday, October 16, 2009

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Incinerate Me

I've got your picture in the palm of my hand
Your sexy smile is more than I can stand
I'm squirming in my seat
Gonna die from the heat

But what a way to go?

I wiggle and smile for you
Eager to see what you'll do
But I might never know
There's still miles to go

I wake up in twisted sheets
Dreaming your body is my feast
But I'm so empty inside
It makes me want to cry

Makes me clench deep and bite my lip

You're a part of me
The best part of me
But too damn far away
I miss you everyday

Come for me baby
I wanna see
Kiss me sweet
Lick the sweat

I'm burning and burning--incinerate me

Sunday, October 11, 2009


Tuesday, October 6, 2009


Gonna mess you up, Babe
Run dirty fingers all over you
Gonna ruin you for other women, Babe
Make you shake till you’re through

Gonna make you cry out and cum
But not before I’m done
Gonna make you seize from fun
Watch with a wicked glint— cuz I’ve won

Gonna lick your sweat
Taste your lust
I’m taking this bet
And taming your thrust

Never tempt a tigress, hon
Lest I claw you raw
I can see you’re coming undone
I’ll lick and nip your jaw

Working lower, harder, faster still
Sliding over you in liquid heat
Never should have provoked my will
Tie you up and take my seat

Grin from ear to ear
Your eyes go wide, dilate
Riding you here...and here...
You buck, I gyrate…

You’re my new throne, Babe
Gonna dirty you up and make you my own
Gonna ride you to glory, Babe
Gonna twist you and twist you until you moan.

*** I'm a baaaad girl. Poor Anton. Brwaaaaahhaaaaa!!!

GNR, Warrant, Motley Crue

Warrant, "Heaven"

Motley Crue, "Sick Love Song"

Sunday, October 4, 2009

Saturday, October 3, 2009


A slight downpour puddles in the street. I watch and a vine winds tighter, twisting inside of me. I see a couple heading for the alleyway. A hot whisper, a face to touch, and I feel it. I taste it. I hear it. Fingers dig and clench. Before I know it, I’m crying, swirling with the rain. Vaguely in the distance I hear a child ask, “What’s wrong with that lady, mommy?” I tilt my face to the darkened sky and laugh—like only the insane can laugh.

The sudden downfall quickens and hides my tears. I catch the drops with my tongue. I’m freezing, my skin chaffing under my clothes. Still I laugh. I spin. I stomp in puddles larger than myself. Then someone shrieks. I can’t place the scream—though I’ve heard it before.

Yesterday, in fact, I heard the scream yesterday. A primal thing, not unlike a wounded animal—it carries the eerie sound of loss in its vibrations. In music, the instructor says “crescendo people!” Raise the volume; raise the pitch—I scream louder, higher. The child cries and clings to her mother. I see them rush off in an abstracted way.

I was sane once; I swear that I was. I was whole, fresh, and clean. I laughed like normal people. I worked. I had friends. I had a lover. I can see that life shining in my past. The doctor says that I could have it again if I wasn’t so intent on being a martyr.

A martyr! Ha! The nerve of the man was astounding. What had he ever lost in his pathetic little life that gave him the right to judge me so callously? It is not as if I asked for my life to derail. I never wanted this. I am not a martyr. I am just another soulless bastard seeking warmth and the occasional glimpse of sanity. I am a ghoul. I am broken.

I pick myself up from the street puddle. Water runs down the length of my frame. I know that my clothes are drenched and I feel disoriented. A man stops at the edge of the sidewalk, “Hey lady are you okay?” I stare at him through hollow eyes and say nothing. He pulls his coat closer to his body. “Do you want to share my umbrella? You’ll catch your death out here.”

It always starts with a phrase. A trigger sparks a memory and awakens that final shred of humanity within me. I smile and take his hand. I don’t care that he’s old enough to be my father. I don’t care that he’s bald or slightly overweight. I don’t really even see him. I see a replacement. I smile sweetly and ask his name. He squeezes my hand and says, “Ray.” With that, it begins.

I lead him to my apartment. He protests and says something completely boring about his wife. I pet, paw, and kiss him into submission. My need outweighs my morality. I know in my heart that I am selfish and that one day my craziness will cause someone else pain. But tonight I just want to feel heat—a little warmth to ease the chill and dull the pain. I’m not a martyr, Doctor, I am a coward.

I drag him inside my apartment leaving the lights off so that I can pretend my victim is someone else, someone lost to me. I create the fantasy in my mind as I rip his coat from his body and push him blindly to the couch. I never take them to our bedroom—not ever. I tug on his zipper and close my mouth over his sex. I hear his gasp in the distance and feel his shock turn to pleasure. He begins to moan. You used to moan. I begin to cry.

The emptiness within me becomes a physical ache. And without hesitation, I straddle his thighs. I impale myself with his shaft…again…and again…He comes in a heaving mess. Vomit rises in my throat; my eyes are red and swollen. I climb off him—no release to be found. Ray, I remember dully, his name is Ray.

I step away from Ray, his semen sticky and foreign, clings to my thighs. He clears his throat, still trying to process what had happened to him. I wipe away the tears only to realize that they have dried to my face. The coldness spreads within me and I shiver again. I lick my lips, his taste still there, and say, “I’m sorry. You can go if you like.” My voice sounds old and defeated, even to my ears.

Ray shifts uncomfortably on the couch and zips his pants closed. “Can I see you again?” I laugh dryly and tell him, “No. That’s not a good idea.” I can see his frown in the darkened room, or more accurately, feel it. His confusion is palpable and lingers in the air. He tries again, “Well, can I at least know your name?”

Something inside of me takes pity on him. I cross the room, ignoring the discomfort between my legs. I take his round face in my hands and tilt it toward me. I kiss him softly on the forehead and whisper, “Ghosts don’t have names, silly boy.” Without a word, I lead him to the door by his tie. He stares at me, baffled, even as the door closes in his face.

I lock it and walk woodenly to the bathroom. I vaguely remember arguing with you over the emerald towels. You had wanted navy blue, but caved to make me happy. The memory cuts slowly, quietly, through my troubled mind as the water fills the tub. Fresh tears collect on my face, mingling with the steam from the bathwater. Someday my tear ducts will run dry. Then I won’t cry anymore.

I swallow hard and let my dirty dress flutter to the ground. I used to be obsessive about putting my garments in the laundry bin. It seems so silly now. I sink into the water and pray that its heat can sooth me. My hands rub a soapy washcloth against my dirty flesh—as if I would ever be clean. Sobs rack my fragile body and I scrub my vagina until it bleeds. Unfaithful, loathsome whore—the accusations peck at me like unseen demonic birds tearing at my skin.

It’s too much, my mind reels, I can’t bear this Lord! My heart breaks repeatedly but just as suddenly as the storm raged—it dies. I see your face smiling at me and peace begins to thaw my frozen limbs. I must truly be insane. You died six months ago. There is no way that you could be in our bathroom, in our home. I see your smile widen, “Why not? What makes you think I ever left here?” Now you read minds.

Your ghost walks closer to the tub and I reach out to touch you, but my fingers only find air. You look the same. Your dark hair, your blue eyes, the strength of your body is all the same. My eyes find yours and you shake your head, “I can’t stay long. Not in this form.” I try to crush the stab of pain your words bring, “Why?”

You caress my face with wisps of air. “Listen Babe, you have to move on. Your friends are right. You can’t be like this anymore. Live your life and I’ll see you at its end. Do you hear me?” Your eyes implore me to see reason, to understand. But I want…I need…I choke on the words, “I love you! I don’t want this life without you. Don’t you understand? I buried myself with you. Let me die.”

Your smile fades; your face falls. “No. If you die, then there is no one to remember me and then I really am dead. If you love me, you will get out of this bath and put the razor back in the cupboard. If you love me then you will live.” You brush a cold kiss on my dry lips and just like that, you are gone. Again.

I look at the razor blade in my hands. I don’t even remember grabbing it. It catches the light and gleams silver, a welcoming friend. It is a lie. I throw it on the floor and grasp my wedding ring instead. It was a promise given out of love. If you want me to live then I will live. I slip the ring back onto my finger, smiling through my tears as it winks at me. The soft light holds the gold band and I swear it glowed.

I rise from my bath and cover myself. I feel raw, but oddly reborn. I scoop up the pile of clothes and toss them in the bin. I love you. My heart repeats the words slowly, rhythmically in my chest. I love you. I place one foot in front of the other unsure of what morning will bring. As I drift to sleep, I swear that I feel you wrap your arms around me, but when I look, no one is there. I close my eyes and hear you whisper softly, “Sleep tight.” I smile and nestle deeper into my pillow. Maybe I’m not that crazy after all.



Thursday, October 1, 2009

Fuck It

Say, “Back off”
Then drag him closer
My mind is a traitor to my heart
I haven’t a clue what I’m doing

“Let’s take things slow”
Then wear his mouth like lip gloss
My heart is a traitor to my mind
Walking on the skin of my emotions

So confusing
So frustrating
Wanting, needing everything
But too afraid to reach out and touch it

He says, “We’ve got time”
“No decisions to make today”
My head says, “Yes, he’s right”
My heart screams something else entirely

Such a wretched game
A quirky, murky thing
Forever on a shoestring
Twisted into knots

More than I can handle
Unable to walk away
Throw caution to the wind
Fuck it. Just kiss him.

Bad Ass Van Cover

Hell Yeah! That'll wake you up, lmao.

Wednesday, September 30, 2009


You stoke the fire
Twisting like into desire
Kissing circles round my heart
My mask falls apart

Your wicked, wicked tongue
Has me coming undone

I quiver
I shiver
I crumble
As we tumble

You’re a dirty, dirty man
Threatening to do it again

Spread me wide
And climb inside
No secrets will I hide
As we ride the ebbing tide

Tuesday, September 29, 2009


The Fantasy

I see your face when I close my eyes
The things you make me fantasize...
The sweetness of your kiss
A discovery I don’t wanna miss

Such a heady spell
Too many things to tell
Flickering emotions in the night
Flickering shadows in candle light

It’s a crazy lust-like-love affair
Neither here, nor there
But somewhere lost between
Babe, you know what I mean?

And yet, I’d meet up anywhere
As long as you are there
It’s such a wild thing
Stitched together by a dream…

Monday, September 28, 2009

Spamming My Blog, lol.

Ah Fitzcairn, how I heart thee...

And the Goblin King...

Just felt like hearing this

Love Johnny Denver, but like this version better, sacrilege, I know...

This one just rocks.

Have a great day y'all!

Sunday, September 27, 2009


Suddenly Free

When did I become the girl
With a goofy grin?

When did I lay down my sword
Bury my angst?

Pain, my old friend
Has forsaken me

And become a blur
Behind my eyes

When did I begin to feel
Such ecstasy?

Such delights
So foreign to me

I’ll take the simple things
And hold them tight

Your hand in mine
A gentle breeze

When did I become
So suddenly free?

Friday, September 25, 2009

Wednesday, September 23, 2009


I wanna kiss the cleft in your chin
Stroke your chest until you grin
I wanna nuzzle your neck
And tickle you with little pecks

Run my hands over your smooth skin
Inhale your cologne again and again

But you’re too far away
The trip’s more than a day
So I’m left with daydreams
Of kisses and sunbeams

And touching your secret things
Watching the pleasure it brings

Wish you were here, Hon
Drinking coffee in the morning sun
Holding my hand in yours
Bending me on all fours

Maybe one day soon
You’ll be in my room

Tuesday, September 22, 2009


I tried to pin a butterfly
I jammed the needle in
And plucked its wings

I watched its fuzzy face fall
To say I felt remorse
Would be ridiculous

I tried to tame a tiger
Locked him in his cage
And poked him with a stick

I watched his furry face fall
And cried all night
When he lost his growl

I tried to charm a snake
I coiled him in a basket
And played my siren’s tune

I watched his scaly face fall
As he swayed without a thought
And mourned the loss of his free will

I tried to make you mine, love
I wrapped you up in sugared kisses
And pulled you down so deep in me

I watched your darling face fall
As you saw the truth of me
I mourn your absence most of all

***An old poem about an old boyfriend. This is a, "I don't know what to post" post, lol.

Eskimo Kiss

I’ll ply you with wine
And tickle your mind
I’ll woo you with candy
Until you feel randy

I’ll sing you to sleep
And lick you awake
I’ll promise you everything
And lies never make

I’ll read you some poetry
While naked and clean
I’ll sniff every inch
Of your 5’11” frame

I’ll tell you a riddle
Then quietly giggle
I’ll laugh and I’ll cry
Not always knowing why

I’ll touch you and tease you
Do my best just to please you
And teach you to dance
Under ominous skies

And just when you think
My smile you have missed
I’ll bring you to the brink
With an Eskimo kiss

Monday, September 21, 2009

Love Songs...Hehehehe

Saved the BEST for last. Van Morrison (and Dylan). What is with me and Irishmen? Lmao!

Moonlit Kisses

Moonlit kisses
Sunrise hugs
Good morning laughter

Just a fairy dream

All day courtship
Best of friends
Intense lovers

A gossamer thing

A stroke of luck
A twist of fate
A moment’s gift

Dark and light blending into right

A flick of tongue
An easy smile
A slow dance

My heart ticks the time

Skin to skin
Scent to scent
Breath to breath

And love all around

Just a golden fantasy
A longing—deep
In moonlit kisses—steeped

Friday, September 18, 2009

Through The Silence

Little girl runs and plays
Sing-song melodies
Flowers in her hair
Flowers everywhere

Precious child, free
Innocence lost
At barely three
A tragedy

Little girl dies
Gives way to something worse
A broken girl
A fragile, angry thing

Too much pain to bear
Too alone to feel the sun
Too lost to find her voice
Just a broken empty thing

Finding lust in a teenage boy
Finding warmth in a player’s smile
Broken heart and bloody tears
Just a shell, nothing more

Zombie girl, start walking
Learn to laugh, to play for the masses
Beautiful fraud
Scared liar

Sing into the silence
Paint your joker’s smile
Twirl in cascades of blackened roses

Bride of death
Bitch of hate
Put down the blade
It’s not worth dying for

Stumble forward little broken girl
Trudge through the silence
Kiss the darkness
Turn away from all you know

Fall before your God
Unworthy sinner
Fall and plead and cry
May mercy save you

Pick up the pieces of the dream
The long forgotten one
It’s been a journey, darling
Sweet girl with the broken smile

A long walk through the stillness
The echoing tattoo of your heart
Burning in your mother’s breast
Rock the baby boy

That’s what mothers do
Sing to chase away the demons
Keep him safe and strong
Hold back the baying hounds of hell

Someday the nightmares will cease
Smile through the tears
Tweak his perfect nose
Smile through the silence

Stupid woman
Standing on the ledge
Come back and play your part
Be the mother

Be the saint, the sinner, the whore
What was the dream again?
Was it death or something more?
The silence calls, old friend

So easy to laugh and fawn
No one sees the dead eyes
So easy to fool them all
When no one looks too closely

In the wee hours…
Dance with outstretched arms
Tilt your face to the moon

Twirl and spin
Echoes of the child within
Leap and soar
Knowing you could have been more

Smile with peace
As loneliness sets in
Truth of day
Burns beneath the sun

Curtsy and bid him adieu
The boy was never meant for you
Mistakes uneasily righted
Wrongs twisting thorns in your side

Kiss your babies goodnight
Push away the truth of failure
The decisions made by another girl
A girl no longer part of you

Take a deep breath and push away the fear
Walk through the silence
Past the shadows of yesteryear
Toward the sun shining bright

Embrace the woman yet to come
The woman you have fought to be
And smile, all the way to your eyes
Smile, all the way to your soul

Just smile
Not walking through the silence anymore
Just smile
And listen to the music all around you


*** My apologies for the insanely long poem, but at least it isn't about Anton. Or is it? Lol. ;)

Thursday, September 17, 2009

My Favorite Toy

Just when you think
It’s safe for me to meet your Mum
I give you a wink
And you’re coming undone

I’m not the girl who smiles with lies
Not the one with character, lacked
But look in my eyes
And you’ll see my halo is cracked

I love to tease and taunt
Play a game or three
Laugh and kiss, I’m want
Won’t you come play with me?

Don’t put me in a pretty dress
Don’t like to wear hats
I’m apt to make a mess
Think you’re okay with that?

I’m just a girl
A silly little girl
And you’re just a boy
My favorite toy