Wednesday, August 26, 2009
This was a Critters submission that I've rewritten. Hopefully it's better than it was... Photograph by Doris Mitsch.
You come unbidden, pounding cracks along my walls. You break defenses laid long before I knew your name. Sometimes I hate you. I would choke the power from you if I could.
Your hands explore things that are not yours to touch. Your smile gleams in contrast to the shadows. The brightest light in my darkened mind—you terrify me. I don't remember letting you in...
I taste your mouth. Hot and honeyed lips probe painfully as I arch and beg for more. Bring on the pain—I can take it. I hope. Somewhere inside my head a memory reveals its ugly face. A feeling of uncertainty, a question of morality stays my hands. I tense. I flinch, locked within my mind. But you stroke my wings, trailing rainbows in your fingers’ wake. You spread them wide and press deeper inside.
A drug couldn't hold me more completely. Nor could a book elicit more fascination. You’re a puzzle to be solved. What world do you come from—you foreign thing? Our bodies shift in a rhythm all their own. I lick your thighs. I am your whore. Breaths entwine; pulses mingle. I feel myself fading into you—my identity lost. I need a separation. Where am I in this tangled mess? Am I the oozing creature clinging desperately? Please—anything but that.
The world was clear and comprehensible before you arrived. I was focused and fresh. But you stole my clarity and cluttered my world with useless trivia and annoying philosophies. You teased me into submission and espoused ideas that led me to impossible conclusions. You twisted my mind into something I barely recognize. Now your face manifests at random moments and I'm spread beneath you to the breaking point. I'm your wanton slut, your personal plaything pleading for release.
I watch you when you sleep. I watch the breath pass through your body. I know your secret. I've seen the proof myself. I'll keep your secret if you'll just get out of my head. Sadness racks me no sooner then I tack the thought. A loss more real than I could imagine cuts deeply.
This hedonist transcendence is consuming. To exist with you is to lose myself. To exist without you is to lose everything. I can’t face this life without your love, your touch, your scent.
The sheen of exertion glitters on my skin. I wring the dampness from my wings. Blue-green hues catch in the lamplight. I trace the delicate veins within their gossamer casing. Then your voice shatters the silence, "I love the way your wings wrap around you. The contrasting colors against your pale skin…lovely."
I look at your face. I absorb the image of your chest, your muscles holding the light, yet revealing only darkness. My hunger builds. In a moment, I'm pressed flat against the wall. You take me woman to man, beast to alien. I know your secret. I've seen the gills. My eyes roll backward and close. My wings twist painfully behind me. I tighten my legs around your waist. A tear slides down my cheek as realization dawns. You'll never vacate my head. I'll never escape you. But then, I didn't really want to. You spread me wider still. A broken butterfly, you pin me to my own wall.
You whisper softly, words of comfort, words of love. You whisper lies. I've seen your gills. I reach around your back and catch one with my nails. You freeze with eyes wide. God, I love your eyes. "Careful," you say. "I can explain.” Storm clouds form around us where sex and lust had just been.
"You know the law," I say, "You know what I have to do." You pulsate inside my body and we both know that you are the stronger of us. You look so sad, my forlorn pet. I watch your lips twist and form your words. "You don't have to do this. I love you. We could be together." My grip loosens for a second and you seize my weakness. With my hands pinned above my head you pound me harder than before. I feel as if you have bruised every inch of me. We ride the frenzy and come stronger than ever, now that the truth is out.
I could have killed you. You could still kill me, but you lay me gently on the bed instead. To invite you into my home is illegal. To invite you inside my body is punishable by death. If the magistrate finds out, he'll hang us before morning. By law, they are supposed to give us a trial, but we have broken the treaty between our races. There would be hell to pay if anyone found out. It has to end; this addiction can be no more. The truth of it looms over us and the darkness grows.
"We can flee." Your voice sounds like cold gravel in the stillness. I smile without mirth, "Where?" I feel you flush with frustration, "We have to do something!" I touch your shoulders and inhale your scent.
You spring from my bed and pace naked before me. Your scales trail softly down your spine, so faint in the dimly lit room. You must be a mixed breed. Others of your kind have scintillating scales and gills in bold patterns. The damned gills were tiny slits around your sides. I rise slowly and put my hands on your chest trying to ignore the desire drumming beneath my skin. "You have to go," I state calmly, "and forget me."
I watch your face fall and know you understand. Very slowly, you begin to extract yourself. I feel the disconnect clearly. Tears stream down my face and I tremble helplessly as you back away. "It's only temporary," you say, "I'll find a way Elspeth..."
My name falls like lead in the hollow room. All light follows you and leaves me in silence. The peace you disturbed turns to chaos in my mind. I put a record on the turntable, needing to fill the space between us. I know, now, where you end and I begin. I swallow hard against the knot in my throat. The human singer beckons richly from the speaker. Her music drowns your voice, but it can't touch your memory. I'll wait with the patience of my breed. I flick my wings in the deepening shadows, yes, I'll wait. Maybe you can find a way for us. I cry quiet tears, but I wait.
To be continued...