Saturday, October 31, 2009

NaNo and Embers

Mood music:

I'm struggling with inspiration and NaNo. Can't say this whole thing is something I ever thought of doing. I tend to snub deadlines and restrictions. I'm an organic writer and artist. Meaning, I channel whatever is in my head or life via my work. It's not something that can be forced or coldly calculated. But I'm gonna try this thing out and see what happens, I guess. Lol.

So....some random writing to get the juices flowing... ;D


A roughly lit castle perched precariously atop the cliff loomed in the distance. A lone eagle flew to it's nest. The barren trees swayed bony arms toward the heavens. And the traveler sat stoking the dying embers of a small fire. The brim of his hat crowded his features, framing them into a shadowed mosaic of eyes, nose, and mouth.

He was a drifter, a stranger to this village. The common folk regarded him with suspicion as he swirled the chunky coffee in his mug and spat out the grounds. A filter was a luxury and he'd decided years ago to shun all luxuries. He leaned back and patted his full belly. He'd come here chasing the beast. He was always chasing the beast.

He could smell it's stench thick in the cooling breeze. The night was turning cold as the leaves shuddered to the ground. It was mid-October and the winter chill was already beckoning. Every so often a wail would catch on the wind and tease the traveler. His head would cock toward the ominous sound and he would listen with anticipation curling tighter in his gut.

The beast had taken something from him long ago--a priceless treasure impossible to replace. And the traveler was honor bound to exact revenge for the loss he'd suffered.

Again the wail caught and hung in the air like a bloated pig, screeching as the butcher's blade comes crashing down. To the West! The traveler kicked dirt over the glowing ashes and took off in a flash. He moved swiftly toward the wail, eager to wrap up the battle tonight.

To be continued...

Sappy Love Poem (Again)

The moments tick by unhurried
My face buried
In the crook of your neck
I grin shyly and look a wreck

Dreams are such an easy thing
Give flight to broken wings
Love pouring all around
Treasure the bliss we've found

I've become a corny poet
A sappy, love-sick know-it
Soft words to match imaginary kisses
Sharp fantasies become blurry wishes

And yet...
No regret...
Just a simple craving not to be denied
A quiet rhythm pounding, needing satisfied

Open arms, open mouths, searching fingers
Open hearts, just a dream, but God, it lingers
Sigh and stretch against you
Welcome-warm and soft-subdued

A simple girl with simple dreams
A randy boy toying with my seams
It's a fairytale
Bound to fail

But hope forges strong
And guides us both along
An annoying couple who say too much
And drag the private into open rush

But who cares, Love?
Who cares?
Close your eyes and kiss me sweet
And dream and dream, until we meet...

Thursday, October 29, 2009

No Doubt Rules!

Hella Good-- Love that song, dirty and danceable. Hell yeah.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Monday, October 26, 2009

Wild Things

"Come and play with me"
I say with a naughty wink
Let's play like kids
Run and splash in puddles

Chase me, Gorgeous
I won't run too far
I'll let you catch me
And we'll tumble to the grass

Laugh and roll in Autumn leaves
I'll pick them from your hair
And kiss you sweet
I'll be your troublemaker

Come be my brat
Stroke my cheek and nuzzle my neck
Make me squirm and giggle
Like we're teens again

Let's egg the neighbor's car
And crank call the grocer
Let's act like morons
For just a while yet

Let's go parking
Play twister to get around the gearshift
I love you, Babe
I'm your troublemaker and you're my brat

We'll be practical tomorrow
Go to work
And act like grownups
Make love in bed like usual

But for today let's find some trouble
Find some joy in naughty things
Let's be wild and free and young
I'll load the paintball gun--you grab your coveralls!

Ms. Smith and Bruce say it better than I ever could...

"...Have I doubt when I'm alone
Love is a ring, the telephone
Love is an angel disguised as lust
Here in our bed until the morning comes
Come on now try and understand
The way I feel under your command
Take my hand as the sun descends
They can't touch you now,
Can't touch you now, can't touch you now
Because the night belongs to lovers
Because the night belongs to lust
Because the night belongs to lovers
Because the night belongs to us...

...Forgive, the yearning burning
I believe it's time, too real to feel
So touch me now, touch me now, touch me now..."

A Song for My Muse, lmao!

The music swells
The beat is hypnotic
Your hands on me
My hands on you

You know what you do
You got me
Where you want me

It's a dirty secret, Love
Don't play hard to get
A gentle tussle
A flexed muscle

You know what you do
You got me
Where you want me

High on you
Crawling up your body again
Toss my hair

And dance for you
Smile for you
Spread wide and arch for you
My Brat, the beat is driving me wild

You know what you do
You got me
Where you want me

Music pulsing
Flesh grinding
Yes...right there
Babe, you're a heady brew

You know what you do
You got me
Where you want me

*Wrote this while listening to Justin

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Thursday, October 22, 2009


Your face is the first thing I wanna see
when I wake up
The last thing I imagine
when I go to sleep at night

The flare of your nostrils
The quirk of your lips
Your green eyes twinkling
Have captured my attention

I think of your voice
When I'm alone
When I'm in a crowded room
When everything is chaos spinning around me

And it brings me peace, brings me joy
Your words spark a smile from deep inside
And spreads warmth across my heart

Until the only words left are these--
I'm yours, Babe
For as long as you want me

Just a Few Childhood Idols

Paula Abdul Straight Up

Belinda Carlisle Mad About You

Yeah...I'm a product of American Pop Culture and proud of it. Lol. :)

Monday, October 19, 2009

Morning Drive to Work

Long winding country road
Black snake beckoning
Soft breeze swaying
Cool crisp air and clear blue skies

Bejeweled trees dripping
Crimson, orange, and yellow ocher leaves
Golden sunlight peeking through
School bus stops and kids jump on

Good tunes on the radio
I'm singing along too loudly
Smile on my lips
And you on my mind

It's gonna be a good day.


The hours tick by
And the days blur
One chore after another
Never done

A day, a week, a year
Never come too soon
To be rid of this misery
To be free again

I remember freedom
I can see it shinning in my past
The feel of sunlight on my skin
The laughter bubbling from within...

Time has screeched to a halt
Pitting husband against wife--bitter enemies
Emotions run the gambit
And crackle in the air

Divorce never looked so welcoming
Never felt so right or near
It's come to this then
Time to go, to say goodbye

Lest someone take a misstep
And the fragile skin of friendship crumble
I'm looking at you with hatred in my eyes
And clenched fists, feral teeth exposed

It's long past time to part ways
To rip off the bandage and let the scab heal
Pet and soothe my children fast asleep
And hide in rooms where you aren't

Come on time! Step it up!
Let me go and be free
Light the match and burn the wreck already
And I'll find happiness in the aftermath of ruin

Peace in the funeral
Toss the flower on the grave and turn away
"Here lies the wreckage of a marital fraud"
Good riddance.

Friday, October 16, 2009

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Incinerate Me

I've got your picture in the palm of my hand
Your sexy smile is more than I can stand
I'm squirming in my seat
Gonna die from the heat

But what a way to go?

I wiggle and smile for you
Eager to see what you'll do
But I might never know
There's still miles to go

I wake up in twisted sheets
Dreaming your body is my feast
But I'm so empty inside
It makes me want to cry

Makes me clench deep and bite my lip

You're a part of me
The best part of me
But too damn far away
I miss you everyday

Come for me baby
I wanna see
Kiss me sweet
Lick the sweat

I'm burning and burning--incinerate me

Sunday, October 11, 2009


Tuesday, October 6, 2009


Gonna mess you up, Babe
Run dirty fingers all over you
Gonna ruin you for other women, Babe
Make you shake till you’re through

Gonna make you cry out and cum
But not before I’m done
Gonna make you seize from fun
Watch with a wicked glint— cuz I’ve won

Gonna lick your sweat
Taste your lust
I’m taking this bet
And taming your thrust

Never tempt a tigress, hon
Lest I claw you raw
I can see you’re coming undone
I’ll lick and nip your jaw

Working lower, harder, faster still
Sliding over you in liquid heat
Never should have provoked my will
Tie you up and take my seat

Grin from ear to ear
Your eyes go wide, dilate
Riding you here...and here...
You buck, I gyrate…

You’re my new throne, Babe
Gonna dirty you up and make you my own
Gonna ride you to glory, Babe
Gonna twist you and twist you until you moan.

*** I'm a baaaad girl. Poor Anton. Brwaaaaahhaaaaa!!!

GNR, Warrant, Motley Crue

Warrant, "Heaven"

Motley Crue, "Sick Love Song"

Sunday, October 4, 2009

Saturday, October 3, 2009


A slight downpour puddles in the street. I watch and a vine winds tighter, twisting inside of me. I see a couple heading for the alleyway. A hot whisper, a face to touch, and I feel it. I taste it. I hear it. Fingers dig and clench. Before I know it, I’m crying, swirling with the rain. Vaguely in the distance I hear a child ask, “What’s wrong with that lady, mommy?” I tilt my face to the darkened sky and laugh—like only the insane can laugh.

The sudden downfall quickens and hides my tears. I catch the drops with my tongue. I’m freezing, my skin chaffing under my clothes. Still I laugh. I spin. I stomp in puddles larger than myself. Then someone shrieks. I can’t place the scream—though I’ve heard it before.

Yesterday, in fact, I heard the scream yesterday. A primal thing, not unlike a wounded animal—it carries the eerie sound of loss in its vibrations. In music, the instructor says “crescendo people!” Raise the volume; raise the pitch—I scream louder, higher. The child cries and clings to her mother. I see them rush off in an abstracted way.

I was sane once; I swear that I was. I was whole, fresh, and clean. I laughed like normal people. I worked. I had friends. I had a lover. I can see that life shining in my past. The doctor says that I could have it again if I wasn’t so intent on being a martyr.

A martyr! Ha! The nerve of the man was astounding. What had he ever lost in his pathetic little life that gave him the right to judge me so callously? It is not as if I asked for my life to derail. I never wanted this. I am not a martyr. I am just another soulless bastard seeking warmth and the occasional glimpse of sanity. I am a ghoul. I am broken.

I pick myself up from the street puddle. Water runs down the length of my frame. I know that my clothes are drenched and I feel disoriented. A man stops at the edge of the sidewalk, “Hey lady are you okay?” I stare at him through hollow eyes and say nothing. He pulls his coat closer to his body. “Do you want to share my umbrella? You’ll catch your death out here.”

It always starts with a phrase. A trigger sparks a memory and awakens that final shred of humanity within me. I smile and take his hand. I don’t care that he’s old enough to be my father. I don’t care that he’s bald or slightly overweight. I don’t really even see him. I see a replacement. I smile sweetly and ask his name. He squeezes my hand and says, “Ray.” With that, it begins.

I lead him to my apartment. He protests and says something completely boring about his wife. I pet, paw, and kiss him into submission. My need outweighs my morality. I know in my heart that I am selfish and that one day my craziness will cause someone else pain. But tonight I just want to feel heat—a little warmth to ease the chill and dull the pain. I’m not a martyr, Doctor, I am a coward.

I drag him inside my apartment leaving the lights off so that I can pretend my victim is someone else, someone lost to me. I create the fantasy in my mind as I rip his coat from his body and push him blindly to the couch. I never take them to our bedroom—not ever. I tug on his zipper and close my mouth over his sex. I hear his gasp in the distance and feel his shock turn to pleasure. He begins to moan. You used to moan. I begin to cry.

The emptiness within me becomes a physical ache. And without hesitation, I straddle his thighs. I impale myself with his shaft…again…and again…He comes in a heaving mess. Vomit rises in my throat; my eyes are red and swollen. I climb off him—no release to be found. Ray, I remember dully, his name is Ray.

I step away from Ray, his semen sticky and foreign, clings to my thighs. He clears his throat, still trying to process what had happened to him. I wipe away the tears only to realize that they have dried to my face. The coldness spreads within me and I shiver again. I lick my lips, his taste still there, and say, “I’m sorry. You can go if you like.” My voice sounds old and defeated, even to my ears.

Ray shifts uncomfortably on the couch and zips his pants closed. “Can I see you again?” I laugh dryly and tell him, “No. That’s not a good idea.” I can see his frown in the darkened room, or more accurately, feel it. His confusion is palpable and lingers in the air. He tries again, “Well, can I at least know your name?”

Something inside of me takes pity on him. I cross the room, ignoring the discomfort between my legs. I take his round face in my hands and tilt it toward me. I kiss him softly on the forehead and whisper, “Ghosts don’t have names, silly boy.” Without a word, I lead him to the door by his tie. He stares at me, baffled, even as the door closes in his face.

I lock it and walk woodenly to the bathroom. I vaguely remember arguing with you over the emerald towels. You had wanted navy blue, but caved to make me happy. The memory cuts slowly, quietly, through my troubled mind as the water fills the tub. Fresh tears collect on my face, mingling with the steam from the bathwater. Someday my tear ducts will run dry. Then I won’t cry anymore.

I swallow hard and let my dirty dress flutter to the ground. I used to be obsessive about putting my garments in the laundry bin. It seems so silly now. I sink into the water and pray that its heat can sooth me. My hands rub a soapy washcloth against my dirty flesh—as if I would ever be clean. Sobs rack my fragile body and I scrub my vagina until it bleeds. Unfaithful, loathsome whore—the accusations peck at me like unseen demonic birds tearing at my skin.

It’s too much, my mind reels, I can’t bear this Lord! My heart breaks repeatedly but just as suddenly as the storm raged—it dies. I see your face smiling at me and peace begins to thaw my frozen limbs. I must truly be insane. You died six months ago. There is no way that you could be in our bathroom, in our home. I see your smile widen, “Why not? What makes you think I ever left here?” Now you read minds.

Your ghost walks closer to the tub and I reach out to touch you, but my fingers only find air. You look the same. Your dark hair, your blue eyes, the strength of your body is all the same. My eyes find yours and you shake your head, “I can’t stay long. Not in this form.” I try to crush the stab of pain your words bring, “Why?”

You caress my face with wisps of air. “Listen Babe, you have to move on. Your friends are right. You can’t be like this anymore. Live your life and I’ll see you at its end. Do you hear me?” Your eyes implore me to see reason, to understand. But I want…I need…I choke on the words, “I love you! I don’t want this life without you. Don’t you understand? I buried myself with you. Let me die.”

Your smile fades; your face falls. “No. If you die, then there is no one to remember me and then I really am dead. If you love me, you will get out of this bath and put the razor back in the cupboard. If you love me then you will live.” You brush a cold kiss on my dry lips and just like that, you are gone. Again.

I look at the razor blade in my hands. I don’t even remember grabbing it. It catches the light and gleams silver, a welcoming friend. It is a lie. I throw it on the floor and grasp my wedding ring instead. It was a promise given out of love. If you want me to live then I will live. I slip the ring back onto my finger, smiling through my tears as it winks at me. The soft light holds the gold band and I swear it glowed.

I rise from my bath and cover myself. I feel raw, but oddly reborn. I scoop up the pile of clothes and toss them in the bin. I love you. My heart repeats the words slowly, rhythmically in my chest. I love you. I place one foot in front of the other unsure of what morning will bring. As I drift to sleep, I swear that I feel you wrap your arms around me, but when I look, no one is there. I close my eyes and hear you whisper softly, “Sleep tight.” I smile and nestle deeper into my pillow. Maybe I’m not that crazy after all.



Thursday, October 1, 2009

Fuck It

Say, “Back off”
Then drag him closer
My mind is a traitor to my heart
I haven’t a clue what I’m doing

“Let’s take things slow”
Then wear his mouth like lip gloss
My heart is a traitor to my mind
Walking on the skin of my emotions

So confusing
So frustrating
Wanting, needing everything
But too afraid to reach out and touch it

He says, “We’ve got time”
“No decisions to make today”
My head says, “Yes, he’s right”
My heart screams something else entirely

Such a wretched game
A quirky, murky thing
Forever on a shoestring
Twisted into knots

More than I can handle
Unable to walk away
Throw caution to the wind
Fuck it. Just kiss him.

Bad Ass Van Cover

Hell Yeah! That'll wake you up, lmao.