Sunday, October 31, 2010

Ache

Scorpions sing of the wind of change
I watch the sand kick up
And swirl

Everything is shifting sand
Lost in the eye of hurricane
Lost on empty promises

It's a strange life
I'm a strange girl
A woman and yet

Somehow childishly free
I danced tonight
And laughed in moonlight

Sure the witching hour felt
My pulse catch
Felt my heart

Ache

Loneliness calls
Shadows fall
But light peeks through

I dreamt a dream of joy
Of early morning kisses
And late night caresses

I dreamt of long hair falling all around us
Big hands searching out my secrets
Warm breath on my neck


I dreamt of you.


Thursday, October 28, 2010

Sold!!! :)

Just using my blog to confirm a sale, sorry bloggers.

This is the box I made and the way it will ship.


Sunday, October 24, 2010

Saturday, October 16, 2010

It's a Prison

It's a prison. It's a horrible state where hunger begets hunger begets insanity begets self-destruction begets emptiness. And the emptiness becomes a void impossible to fill. Feelings consume and food becomes salvation. Eat away the tears. Eat away the loneliness. Eat away the pain. Eat away the self-doubt...the self-hate. Eat away the bitter truth. Eat away the past, the present, and the future.


Gorge until you're full. Gorge until your soul no longer bleeds.


Eat till you vomit.


It's hell. A place where faces spread and bulge and distort into something macabre. Your features get lost in the mess. Eyes too small to hold outsiders' attention, so they turn inward. Thick lips become traitors to the eyes as they wrap around each morsel. No one really sees you anymore. They see only the gelatinous ooze that you've become. Ankles with rolls that bunch and fall over bulbous feet. Shoes don't fit. So why wear them?


Skin hangs in long lumps of yellowish brown chicken gel. It bulges then droops. It twists. It shakes as you laugh. It shakes as you cry--like a bowl full of jelly. But you're no beloved old man in a red suit delivering toys to good little boys and girls. You're just you. Just invisible--yet gawked at--sad, not so little you. You're just fat.


You sit because standing hurts. You sit because walking steals your air. Life is a sweet grape to be plucked from the vine and savored--but you lost the truth of that somewhere along the way. You've become a monster in human form. A fucking joke--only no one's laughing. So you sit and you eat. You sit and you eat and you wait. You wait for death. You wait for the crane to knock down the wall. You wait for the news reporter to say what a beautiful soul was trapped in a freak-show form. You wait for your mother to sob, for your neighbors to say, "She was the kindest creature I've ever known."


It wasn't always this way. Once, many moons ago, you'd been a knobby kneed little thing with teeth too big for your smile. You ran and played and threw your arms wide and danced under swaying tree tops. You giggled and rolled down the hill. You raced the boys on your bike. You were sassy and fun and utterly brilliant. Once upon a time you shone like the sun.


A tear streams down your anonymous face. Vacant eyes stare vacantly into nothingness. You raise the turkey sandwich to numb lips. You can't taste anything. The colors have drained from your world and become a gray monotony that looms like storm clouds all around you. Love and lust and sex are fairy stories you read about in Harlequin. Chew, chew, swallow. Food isn't the enemy. You are. You've done this to yourself.


It's a prison. Yet they call it my body.


* I guess I had one more flash in me. I'm trying to lose weight. Guess I had something to say about it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V1bFr2SWP1I&ob=av3e

Friday, October 15, 2010

Lunch With a Psychic

You know the feeling you get when it seems like someone is watching you and the hair on the back of your neck stands up? Well, I was trolling the internet at work one day, on my break, using the community germ-infested computer when I got hit with that feeling. I looked around the crowded cafeteria and didn't notice anyone obvious. So I went back to wrecking havoc online.


Not a minute later a security guard pulls out the chair next to me and sits down. She stares right at me and I start to freak a little. I mean, hey, I don't swing that way, you know? I try to ignore her and lean a little more into the "privacy screen" which was naught more than the equivalent of a folder separating the row of computers.


Then she grabbed my arm.


I jumped in my seat.


"What the hell?" I say and glare at her. 


She looks around uncomfortably, and speaks in a hushed tone. Her ash blond curly hair smacks of the eighties and her gut juts out awkwardly over her belt and security equipment attached there. "I'm sorry," she says, "But I have to talk to you."


I still think this Chica is totally off her nut, but I'm a sucker for the urgency in her tone. I decide to give her shot. "Okay, what's up?"


She relaxed visibly and a string of words rushed from her mouth in a heavy whoosh! "I have to tell you that you aren't living right. You're on your way to being sick, really sick. You're a Gemini, right? Gemini's working in the positive are supposed to be long and  willowy. Gemini's in the negative pack on stress in the form of pounds. I'm very worried about you. I saw you and got hit with a sense of urgency, I just have to tell you. The man you're seeing--he's no good for you. He's a Scorpio in the negative. Sure its sexy and fun, but he's gonna drain you of your joy, and then he'll be gone."


She took a deep breath and my shocked mind tried to form a rebuttal, but I wasn't quick enough. "I'm psychic," she says, "I used to give readings. I could do your chart. But really you just need to read a couple of books. I can't let this get out around here--I don't want to be fired. And let's face it, small town USA isn't very witch friendly." She jotted down the name of two books I'd never heard of before, some sort of new age astrology crap, no doubt.


I interrupted her next stream of madness, my face flushed with fear and confusion, "How do you know that I'm a Gemini? And who are you to tell me to lose weight?" She tossed her eighties do over her shoulder and laughed. "You don't get it. You don't need to lose weight. You need to lose stress--that's the only way you'll be fit. And I'm not saying you'll have a stroke or anything. No. Your health problems will be female related....hair loss...insomnia...infertility." 


I laughed at her then. "I'm not infertile. I have two little boys. So you're worried for nothing." She smiled and said, "Is your fella a Scorpio?" I quieted down then, he was. She winked at me. "Listen up. That relationship will run it's course. It's not the "one" you follow me?" I didn't like this. I didn't want to hear it. She squeezed my arm sympathetically and continued. "People view relationships all wrong."


"Everyone is looking for their one true love. But it doesn't work like that. Relationships are about learning. You take what you need to learn from this relationship and move on to the next. See everybody's here to learn something different. I think you're here to learn patience and trust. You want everything right now and you don't trust anyone--least of all yourself. And not only that, but your "one true love" changes as you change. What you need now in a mate may not be what you need ten years from now. Right now your attracted to his take charge attitude and his stability. But you'll see pretty soon that he's not really that stable. And Scorpios have drinking issues, so beware of that."


Well, by now I'd had enough of this shit. "How do you know it won't work out? How do you know I don't trust people? You don't know me." She smiled then I swear I saw clouds swirl in her blue eyes. It was like looking into a limitless abyss. I shivered and looked away. "You don't have to believe me, but someone who loves you wanted you to know. I relayed the message. That's all I can do."


She stood up and started to move through the crowded room. I jumped to my feet. "Wait! Who wanted me to know this? Did someone set you up to this?" She looked at me. "You're a smart girl, don't be dense. Who loves you and has crossed over?" My jaw hit the floor and I sat with a thunk in my chair. Grandpa? He didn't believe in astrology or psychics....


Everything in my life was shit at the minute. The divorce was slow going and volatile. My boyfriend was an emotional roller-coaster. One day he loved me the next he just wanted to be friends--it was never simple or consistent with him. And this morning in the shower a clump of hair fell out when I was shampooing.


But how could she know?


Just cuz it's a bad-ass song:

Monday, October 11, 2010

Jewelry Time!

So...I have been a jewelry making fool. :)


A friend wants one of these necklaces, but can't decide between them. They are all 16 inches, sterling sliver, and have onyx and agate stones. Help a girl out and pick your favorite?


Much grass!!!!


Kat :)

Onyx Cross


Cross Chain

Glass Heart

Heart chain details

Glass Red Pendant

Red Pendant details

Friday, October 8, 2010

Sunlight and Lust

Sunlight slices across the white 400 count Egyptian cotton comforter. Shadows collect in the folds of the blanket. Rumpled sheets suggest hushed movements slow and sweet from the night before. His foot peeks out the side. A strong thigh begs to be caressed. My greedy eyes devour the contours of his back. I love that he sleeps on his belly.


A beautiful waist widens up to his shoulders. Soft dark hair dusts his arms and legs. He's hugging the pillow and I smile to myself. I remember the feel of those arms wrapped around me. I remember the thrill as I watched his eyes, felt his breath on my flesh.


I know that if he turns over his chest will be deliciously furry. I know his eyes will be heavy lidded and plagued by blue-black shadows. I know his mouth will be full and irresistible. If he turns over I'll have to rake my nails over his chest, circle around his nipples. I'll have to kiss him.


I feel the urge to leave the window and go to him. I feel my feet wanting to pad across the room and straddle his hips. I want so much to press my breasts to his back, to run my hands from his shoulders down to his hands. I need to lace my fingers with his and kiss him...kiss him...kiss him again.


I want it so badly that my thighs tremble and I nearly drop the coffee cup.


My face is flushed, my breasts aching...I clear my throat and go to the bed.


I settle next to him on the edge of the mattress. My t-shirt exposes a lot of leg as I sit down. I skim his back with my nails in large circles, then straight smooth strokes. I feel like I'm on fire, but try desperately to cool down. "Sweetie?"


He mumbles and buries his beautiful face into the pillow. I stifle a grin by biting my lower lip and try again. I lean in close, my hair spilling over him. I tug on his ear lobe with my teeth and kiss the corner of his jaw...still petting his back. "Baby, it's time to wake up. I brought you some coffee."


He groans and rolls over. "Is it morning already?" I feel like I've been struck a blow when I see his chest. Lust ticking along my skin. The colors and scent of him are bewitching. His arm over his eyes pulls his chest flat. And I inhale sharply at the tent he's pitching. I set the coffee on the night stand. A true hedonist...I lick his nipple and my hands begin to explore his wicked form.


He sucks in a deep breath and looks at me then. His randy grin fades to need as he sees the look in my eyes. Slowly he sits up and pulls me upright. "Want more?" His voice is rough and sleep worn. I swallow and nod, yes. His hands are on either side of my face as his mouth tastes mine. His tongue licks the corners of my mouth, then traces the inner line of my lips--parting them. I open to him reveling in the feel of his tongue stroking mine.


I don't know if all we have is this moment or a million more moments just like this. But I don't care. Because this moment is perfect. He drags his mouth away, presses his forehead to mine, and growls, "This is madness." I smile and tell him, "I know...but it's such a beautiful shade. Kiss me again, Baby, I wanna see the colors swirl. Please?"


He aggressively takes my mouth and I hope he brands my skin with his touch. I want to remember it always.

*I am the Smut Peddler...dontcha know? :D

Friday, October 1, 2010

Seduction 101

"Well...it was a brilliant idea. No clue why I felt so confident that it would work, I can only say that I felt it was pure genius from the second it popped into my head. I remember the rightness of it all as I planned and plotted my way through it. I remember the joy as I meticulously picked scented candles and mood music.


The joy that burst 'neath my breast as I casually strolled the lingerie aisle was pure bliss. It's an addictive feeling, really. The idea that you've got someone to play naughty games with is so heady that it trudges you past the size 6 black lacy treats to your own double-digit size. It's false pride, a delusion that convinces you that your guy will think you're absolutely gorgeous (minus a roll here or there).


It was surreal. One of my best experiences ever.


My tiny hands skimmed soft silky fabric. My eyes glazed over with visions of happy endings running through my head as I found a matching garter belt. I just knew you'd love this surprise.


I had it all planned out.


You'd walk in the door, find me looking incredibly fetching in my new naughty nightie and heels (can't forget the heels!). A bountiful spread of your favorite feast laid out on the table. Soft candle light to warm the room while Bob Dylan sings "Lay Lady Lay" from the stereo. It was going to be amazing.


Then I saw the bondage store.


I eyed it with suspicion and blatant fear.


The clerk was a punk with green hair and chain from his nose to his ear. I stood there holding my dainty underwear in a pretty pink bag that read, Victoria's Secret. He snorted and exhaled a stream of smoke. He looked me up and down, then scoffed. "You're too timid for this store, Lady." That pissed me off. Timid? Me? Pffffffffft. I marched into the sore like Sherman marching to sea. I'll show him timid.


I spun a full circle before I realized that I didn't have a clue what I was looking at. I heard Mr. Green chuckle behind me. "Here, try these." He shoved some powder blue polka dotted scarves in my hands. "Let your old man tie you up with those." My eyes went wide. "Tie me up?" My voice squeaked and I blushed.


He laughed out loud. "Um...this is an S&M shop, you know." I bristled at his dig and snapped, "I know that. Show me something interesting." He looked at me again. "I guess you do have some spunk. Ok, lady, check this out." He pointed at a contraption hanging from the ceiling. I paled visibly. "A torture device?!" I shrieked.


Mr. Green clucked his tongue, "No. A Spiderweb. You get in it. It hangs from the ceiling and your old man can come at you from any angle, spin you around. Whatever he likes. But you can't really move much. You're just suspended there." I looked at the crazy thing through slitted eyes. "So I become an inanimate object?"


"It's not as bad as it sounds. It's sexy. One of our best sellers." I looked at the leather monstrosity. I looked at Mr. Green. "Ok....I'l try it..." But I wasn't convinced.


So my brilliant seduction scene took me all day. I cooked. I cleaned. I shaved things that I'm pretty sure shouldn't be shaved. I curled my hair, did my make-up, put on the flimsy bit of naughtiness. Then I hung the beast. I climbed into it. I squirmed. It flipped me upside down. I shrieked. I fought the bastard, but it won. It hooked my leg up thatta-way and my arms over here. And that, Sweetie, is how I got tangled up in this damn thing! Now can you please stop laughing long enough to cut me down?"


* The characters in this tale are fictional...any similarities to real people are coincidental!!! But that is exactly why I'd rather kick it old school. Just me and my guy. Hehhehehehee. ;)

Love this tune.