“Hate is a commodity! Hitler used it to kill. American politicians use it to drive fear into the hearts of working class America and create divisive attitudes and steal votes. Hate brings fear, eases manipulation, and preys on the weak. Hate lines pockets and kills freedom.”
Sweat dripped down his back, but he ignored it. His voice rang out strong and clear—the vessel of conviction. “My opponent is the servant of hate! He leads you in prayer and convinces your hearts to turn as black as night! His organization, ‘The Minutemen’ marches on small churches and lays siege to the very democracy we love! He tells you to hate homosexuals. He claims it’s in scripture. He asserts that he knows the will of God!”
He paused for effect. Tears streamed down his fat cheeks. His voice resumed, vibrating with the flair of a Sunday preacher. “Imagine that?! Imagine the arrogance of assuming to know the thoughts and will of God Almighty!” He was shrieking with passion now.
The crowd stood rapt. They were primed and ready for his sales pitch.
“Now I know that I am a politician. But I’m not like these other scoundrels. I won’t lie and mislead you with chants like ‘Hope’ and ‘Change.’ I won’t ply you with empty rhetoric about the way things were. I won’t say America has gone astray. I won’t defeat you with fear. I won’t insult your intelligence.”
He mopped up the sweat with a damp handkerchief. “You already know that we’re in a battle for our future. You already know that our deficit is out of control. I don’t need to tell you what you already know. All I need to tell you is that true change—REAL CHANGE—is possible. Open your hearts. Open your minds. And fight for a smaller government!”
He pulled the microphone closer and tone softening. “My opponent will tell you that God will smite those who fornicate with the same sex. He will tell you that sex ed in schools leads to teen pregnancy. He will say that he holds all the answers and a direct line to God. I will say that I have no business in your bedrooms. I will tell you that empowering our children with knowledge is the best way to fight teen pregnancy!”
The soap box wobbled under his weight, but he plunged forward. “The problem with liberals is that they tell you what you want to hear and then get in bed with the right wingers as soon as you elect them! The problem with the far right wingers is that they pick the wrong damn fight and do NOTHING when they hold the majority! It’s lip service people! They think you’re stupid. But I know you’re not. I know you are disgruntled with the world we live in. I know that you want your country back!”
“Does it matter who marries who? Does it matter if sex ed is taught? No. Of course not. What matters is our national debt, our gas prices, our economy! Where have the financial conservatives gone?! I ask you! I was sitting on my couch listening to this crap and realized—these jokers in DC don’t care about us. They have no intention of doing what’s right! All they want is your vote and your donation and for you to go back to sleep! Well, I say WAKE UP! Wake up and take your country back! Vote for Charles Hinkly!”
The crowd erupted in a roar. Flags were waving. Families were crying. Finally someone had said the things that they’d been dying to hear. Words rushed into the empty vacuum of their discontent. Charles smiled and shook hands as he walked to his limo. His driver opened his door and he climbed in. Just as the door was about to close two men approached him.
“Mr. Hinkly! We just LOVED your speech Sir. We wanted you to know that you have our vote.” The younger man put his arm around the shoulders of the older man. “It’s so hard to be gay in Ohio. So many Christian conservatives judge us. We’re planning a wedding soon. But we wanted to tell you how hard we’re going to fight for your campaign. I really think you can make a difference in this state, Sir.” They beamed and Charles extracted himself from the car. He clasped their hands in his.
“That’s wonderful gentlemen! You make a glorious couple. I’m honored to have you fight on my side. Truly!” They gushed and walked away like star-struck fans. He sat back down in the car and smiled with knowing satisfaction. People like that were gonna win him the Governor’s seat. He’d play both sides against the middle and be the first Libertarian in the White House. The Teabaggers and faggots would line the way—they just didn’t know it yet. But he did. He lit a big fat cigar. Yeah, he knew.