Saturday, August 8, 2015

Choked Up



I hate the thing that I’ve become.
Little voice inside my head
A tiny hammer pounding, pounding
Darkness inside me
Calling

I hate the thing that I’ve become
My failures glaring
Disturbing
Anger holding me
At bay

Always searching, hoping
Lying to myself
Always striving for some ridiculous thing
Out of focus
Out of reach

I hate the thing you’ve twisted me into.
A mangled, bitter fucking mess
Leave it lay
Leave it on the floor

Wish I were as cool as you
As smart and smugly superior
Wish I had all the answers
But I don’t

I’m just a stupid girl
A fool, trying
An idiot who never makes you happy
The dumb bitch in the corner

Sunday, August 2, 2015

Write



It’s been so long since I’ve been here
The white screen beckons
Add text to me,” it says
Write. Write. Write.

It’s in me now
The old familiar fire
The need to love
To write, to live

It’s the only happiness I’ve ever known
I let it be squandered
Lost
I let it drift

Said it was too painful
That I could only write for you
For love

Said, thought, bled so many things
But this is mine
The words, the heart that beats
Is mine

Mine to give, to take away
Can’t let you have everything.
Can’t let fear hold me back
Need to breathe, need to explore

Need to write.