Thursday, December 3, 2009

Auto-Pilot

Everything is shifting sand slipping through my grasp. Plans laid down with hopeful joy have eroded into nothingness. The future is dark and uncertain drifting in a cold abyss. The sun seems so far away and stingy with its warmth. Little faces peer with elfin eyes and question everything. But I have no answers to offer. Everyday is difficult, lonely.

I close my eyes and feel the walls close in. They say I'm crazy. They say the walls aren't budging, but I see it. I might be crazy, but I still see it. Everything is changing--becoming something else. I wake and force myself to bathe, to dress, to put one foot in front of the other and take care of the elfin creatures. I force myself to endure and hope to one day break free of this jail cell, free of this depression.

I look forward to walking into the sun. Maybe I'll burst into flames. Maybe it'll just warm the chill locked inside my bones. Whatever the case...I long for wide open spaces and clear blue skies. I dream of lazy days and ice tea. Once I dreamed of kisses soft and sweet. But kisses bring pain. Kisses bring cold. Kisses brought me here.

I walk across the quicksand and pack school lunches. I run cold hands over cold arms. I kiss elfin children goodbye. I paint a smile on dry lips and dress to impress. Another interview. Another failure. Another day in this cold place. Another day without you. I'm on auto-pilot, lost without you, Babe.

1 comment:

  1. thats what happens when you make plans with a dream. you were warned.reality sucks.welcome back to the real world.

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