Friday, October 15, 2010

Lunch With a Psychic

You know the feeling you get when it seems like someone is watching you and the hair on the back of your neck stands up? Well, I was trolling the internet at work one day, on my break, using the community germ-infested computer when I got hit with that feeling. I looked around the crowded cafeteria and didn't notice anyone obvious. So I went back to wrecking havoc online.

Not a minute later a security guard pulls out the chair next to me and sits down. She stares right at me and I start to freak a little. I mean, hey, I don't swing that way, you know? I try to ignore her and lean a little more into the "privacy screen" which was naught more than the equivalent of a folder separating the row of computers.

Then she grabbed my arm.

I jumped in my seat.

"What the hell?" I say and glare at her. 

She looks around uncomfortably, and speaks in a hushed tone. Her ash blond curly hair smacks of the eighties and her gut juts out awkwardly over her belt and security equipment attached there. "I'm sorry," she says, "But I have to talk to you."

I still think this Chica is totally off her nut, but I'm a sucker for the urgency in her tone. I decide to give her shot. "Okay, what's up?"

She relaxed visibly and a string of words rushed from her mouth in a heavy whoosh! "I have to tell you that you aren't living right. You're on your way to being sick, really sick. You're a Gemini, right? Gemini's working in the positive are supposed to be long and  willowy. Gemini's in the negative pack on stress in the form of pounds. I'm very worried about you. I saw you and got hit with a sense of urgency, I just have to tell you. The man you're seeing--he's no good for you. He's a Scorpio in the negative. Sure its sexy and fun, but he's gonna drain you of your joy, and then he'll be gone."

She took a deep breath and my shocked mind tried to form a rebuttal, but I wasn't quick enough. "I'm psychic," she says, "I used to give readings. I could do your chart. But really you just need to read a couple of books. I can't let this get out around here--I don't want to be fired. And let's face it, small town USA isn't very witch friendly." She jotted down the name of two books I'd never heard of before, some sort of new age astrology crap, no doubt.

I interrupted her next stream of madness, my face flushed with fear and confusion, "How do you know that I'm a Gemini? And who are you to tell me to lose weight?" She tossed her eighties do over her shoulder and laughed. "You don't get it. You don't need to lose weight. You need to lose stress--that's the only way you'll be fit. And I'm not saying you'll have a stroke or anything. No. Your health problems will be female loss...insomnia...infertility." 

I laughed at her then. "I'm not infertile. I have two little boys. So you're worried for nothing." She smiled and said, "Is your fella a Scorpio?" I quieted down then, he was. She winked at me. "Listen up. That relationship will run it's course. It's not the "one" you follow me?" I didn't like this. I didn't want to hear it. She squeezed my arm sympathetically and continued. "People view relationships all wrong."

"Everyone is looking for their one true love. But it doesn't work like that. Relationships are about learning. You take what you need to learn from this relationship and move on to the next. See everybody's here to learn something different. I think you're here to learn patience and trust. You want everything right now and you don't trust anyone--least of all yourself. And not only that, but your "one true love" changes as you change. What you need now in a mate may not be what you need ten years from now. Right now your attracted to his take charge attitude and his stability. But you'll see pretty soon that he's not really that stable. And Scorpios have drinking issues, so beware of that."

Well, by now I'd had enough of this shit. "How do you know it won't work out? How do you know I don't trust people? You don't know me." She smiled then I swear I saw clouds swirl in her blue eyes. It was like looking into a limitless abyss. I shivered and looked away. "You don't have to believe me, but someone who loves you wanted you to know. I relayed the message. That's all I can do."

She stood up and started to move through the crowded room. I jumped to my feet. "Wait! Who wanted me to know this? Did someone set you up to this?" She looked at me. "You're a smart girl, don't be dense. Who loves you and has crossed over?" My jaw hit the floor and I sat with a thunk in my chair. Grandpa? He didn't believe in astrology or psychics....

Everything in my life was shit at the minute. The divorce was slow going and volatile. My boyfriend was an emotional roller-coaster. One day he loved me the next he just wanted to be friends--it was never simple or consistent with him. And this morning in the shower a clump of hair fell out when I was shampooing.

But how could she know?

Just cuz it's a bad-ass song:


  1. I like this concept, Kat. It feels like it could use some expanding into a way longer story.

  2. Great story, as always!
    Kari @ The Best Place By The Fire

  3. " Gemini's in the negative pack on stress in the form of pounds" - ha, that is so true :-D

  4. Spiritual things are spiritually discerned. We are to try the spirits.

    I miss our talks my friend... and that's MY fault.