Friday, June 11, 2010

Goldie Locks and the Three...

(Eye candy for the ladies, lol.)

In a tiny little village there dwelled a lonely young woman and her two rotten children. All day long she chased them around their modest home and cleaned up their messes and broke up their fist fights and wiped their noses when they cried. They were beautiful little monsters, but they were wearing her down.

After several weeks of fighting against a spell an evil wizard had cast on the poor put-upon woman, her mother said enough was enough, and signed Goldie Locks up on a dating site. There weren’t many eligible men in their little village. The baker was married, Little Jack Warner was for too young, and the Big Bad Wolf was…well…big and bad.

So after a moment’s hesitation, Goldie dived into the site. She began to smile again (in spurts) and chatted with guy after guy. Most of them could never be anything more than friends, but she did find three interesting prospects.

Prospect numero uno was a nice man with a job and a good sense of humor. But the pictures he’d sent her were twenty years younger and 100 lbs lighter than he really was. And he was intense, mauling her as if he were a giant Grizzly bear and she some frail elk. She tried to escape him and his crazy advances…backing into a wall, climbing over the back of the couch, cringing away from his puckered lips, flinching against his searching paws. This would never do. He was too hot for her, too clingy, too much.


The next guy was amazing, a truly sexy bear. He seemed interested in her thoughts, her writing. He was very sexual, affectionate. He called her beautiful and for a moment she believed him. They agreed to meet and he was just what he’s said he was. He had a lot of toys, all of muscles, and a crazy amount of charm. He kissed her hard, kissed her stupid, and almost convinced her to give it all away. But pride kept her legs closed much to his dismay.

It was so hard, had been so long since a man ran his hands over her body and enticed her tongue with his. It had been so long since her breasts had been kissed and nipped and brought her the joyful haze of lust. He was so sexy. She wanted to strip her clothes off and wear his wicked mouth like a pair of panties. But the angel on her shoulder was screaming, “Slow down! Don’t do it Goldie!”

So she climbed off of him and wiped her swollen lips with the back of her hand, needing space, needing air. He sat up and she knew at that moment that he wasn’t a good fit. There was coldness in his beautiful hazel eyes. He wasn’t into her, not really. She was just another toy. She was a collectible to mount and toss away…and if he couldn’t mount her—he was done.

She stumbled through the rest of the evening with him. It was awkward and he tried several times to lure her back into submission; he tried to part her thighs. But she held fast to her conviction and was relieved when they said good-bye.


The third prospect was a sweet bear. A beast of a man, he stood 6’ and had the hottest smile. They were just friends, chatted nearly every day. He had a kicking body. A 36 he looked more scrumptious than the twenty-somethings who had hounded her. His thick black hair, desert eyes, and Latin accent were messing with her head. He spoke to her in Spanish—said amazing things. He said she was good for him, sweet and understanding. He loved her crazy texts.

She sent him silly flirts about feeding him blueberries while he rested against her breasts. He was artistic, a musician. He talked about camping in the mountains and she imagined kissing his beautiful lips under a star-filled sky. He made her want to drink deeply from the cup of desire. He could fit so easily, but could the evil wizard...if he hadn't been evil, that is...

She could fall in love with this sweet bear. He could banish the evil wizard from her thoughts, from her dreams. But he was a complicated bear. His life was a maddening mess. It would be years—if ever—before he was ready for something serious.

She sat on the sofa and pondered them all: the wizard, the three bears, and even the immediate rejects. It was so hopeless. All she wanted was a good man with strong arms and strong lips to kiss her and pet her and love her. She just needed a bear who fit in her crazy life. It seemed so simple. But it wasn’t.

She closed her eyes and soaked up the silence. Silence? She sat up straight; silence was never a good thing in her home. She made haste to the monsters’ room. The two rotten boys sat amid a pile of toys—fresh crayon marks scaring the walls. They whispered to each other, planning another horrible scheme. She cleared her throat to get their attention. They looked at her with angelic smiles—naughty bears in the making.

She rubbed her temple. She just wanted a simple life, a man to love and love her…and a cattle prod.


  1. LMAO - I don't know if Lowes or Home Depot carries cattle prods.

  2. Lol. Probably have to go to farmer's outlet.

    Where there's a will, there's a way. ;)

  3. Great story, Kat! Take a look at http://talesfromthe they are looking for rewrite of fairy tales.

    Good luck if you do.

  4. Wow that's cool and right up my alley. I wonder how they feel about x-rated tales? Ha!

    Thanks J. Will definitely sub something. ;)

  5. Now you wouldn't see me stooping to posting topless, sweaty guys on my blog...

    Nice twist on the fairy tale. I didn't think it could be turned to smut...I stand corrected. Nice final line about the cattle prod, BTW!

  6. Nooo...Not Alan...he just posts topless pics with stingrays. Hmmm...should I post topless pics with stingrays? Lmao!

    That was mild...nothing compared to what I'm gonna enter in your contest, Bucko. ;D

    Thanks! :)

  7. Nicely done reimagining Kat. I found myself nodding along at some of Goldie's musings.
    I hope she finds the one who's "just right."

    Damm evil wizards. Damn them to hell.