Saturday, August 29, 2009

Kisses

I washed your clothes
And folded them neatly
I fixed the disposal
And mowed the lawn

I lotioned my legs
And painted my lips

I picked up the babies
And helped them with homework
I stocked the fridge with your favorite things
I left your dinner in the oven

And curled my hair

Then I smashed your PS3 into a million pieces
I doused it with gasoline
And set the thing on fire

I smiled to myself
And lined my eyes with kohl

I threw your pc on the pile
And beat it with a baseball bat
It wasn’t satisfactory enough
So I ground my high heel in it, just for laughs

I packed three bags
And left a note:

Now you can play uninterrupted, Sweetie
Oh wait. You can’t
Kisses.
Your ex-wife

4 comments:

  1. I want to make this VERY CLEAR.

    If he throws you out, I am not taking you in.

    ;-)

    PS3s are cheap now. You didn't even deal with his discs. You are FOILED!

    You're encouraging a love of poetry in me, I didn't know was there. I ACTUALLY might try some.

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  2. "If he throws you out, I am not taking you in."

    But...but I'm a domestic Goddess. Look at all of the lovely things I did for him. I left him in good standing. And I clean up really well.

    Lol. Okay, I didn't really destroy his toys. But I thought about it. It does make for a dramatic exit. ;)

    Pfft! I'm taking the games with me. It's his fault. He should have paid more attention to me. Left to my own devices, I find nothing but trouble. ;p

    "You're encouraging a love of poetry in me, I didn't know was there. I ACTUALLY might try some."

    (With my most charmingly devious smile...) Excellent. My evil plan is working. I will bring poetry to the masses and encourage it's practice among my minions. Brawwwwahahaha!

    But wait. You aren't one of my minions are you? You'll follow anyone but me. :(

    The only way to hold your attention is to strip with cardboard cut-outs of Lily Allen, Megan Fox, and some random red-head. And since THAT'S not happening... ;p

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  3. The term "minion" isn't politically correct. They prefer the term "subordinate evil-doer" these days.

    I do follow you. Anonymously. Think I'm putting my mug up there on your follow board?

    ReplyDelete
  4. And just what exactly is wrong with my blog?

    Okay. Don't answer that. Lol.

    Ahem. My minions will go by whatever term I call them and like it or it's back to the stockades they go.

    Lmao! ;)

    ReplyDelete