Friday, August 7, 2009
Top Ten Things I'd like to do to SpongeBob Lamepants
Assuming that SpongeBob was real...
10. Leave him in the sun until he becomes rock hard and then hammer an ice pick into him.
9. Drop him in the bottom of Buckeye Lake so he could swim with our three-eyed-eight-finned-mutant fish.
8. Tie him to the back of my Escape and back into a tree repeatedly.
7. Shove pineapple grenades in holes he didn't know he had and pull the pins. Let's see how "porous" he is.
6. Shove him down the garbage disposal with a jackhammer.
5. Pull out his tongue wrap it around his throat three times and strangle him with it.
4. Make "One Night in SpongeBob; The Uncut Video of the Squidward and SpongeBob" a viral sensation on the internet.
3. Stretch him until he was ripped into multiple bloodied pieces and then light on fire.
2. Let Lance, our crazy Border Collie puppy use him for a new chew toy. He likes it when things squeal in pain.
1. Kidnap, bound, and gag the creators of SpongeBob Lamepants, strap them to a chair in a darkened room and force them to watch and listen to SpongeBob 24-7 until their eyes bleed, their minds snap, and the little creep drops dead from continuous tasering and starvation.
Disclaimer: No SpongeBobs were harmed in the making of this blog...yet.