Friday, August 7, 2009

Top Ten Things I'd like to do to SpongeBob Lamepants

Assuming that SpongeBob was real...

10. Leave him in the sun until he becomes rock hard and then hammer an ice pick into him.

9. Drop him in the bottom of Buckeye Lake so he could swim with our three-eyed-eight-finned-mutant fish.

8. Tie him to the back of my Escape and back into a tree repeatedly.

7. Shove pineapple grenades in holes he didn't know he had and pull the pins. Let's see how "porous" he is.

6. Shove him down the garbage disposal with a jackhammer.

5. Pull out his tongue wrap it around his throat three times and strangle him with it.

4. Make "One Night in SpongeBob; The Uncut Video of the Squidward and SpongeBob" a viral sensation on the internet.

3. Stretch him until he was ripped into multiple bloodied pieces and then light on fire.

2. Let Lance, our crazy Border Collie puppy use him for a new chew toy. He likes it when things squeal in pain.

1. Kidnap, bound, and gag the creators of SpongeBob Lamepants, strap them to a chair in a darkened room and force them to watch and listen to SpongeBob 24-7 until their eyes bleed, their minds snap, and the little creep drops dead from continuous tasering and starvation.

Disclaimer: No SpongeBobs were harmed in the making of this blog...yet.


  1. You. Have. Stepped. Over. A. Line. Lady.

  2. Lmao! Possibly. I can never tell when I've gone too far.


    Okay, I admit it. It was bored. Did you at least chuckle or just question my sanity?

  3. Did you at least chuckle or just question my sanity?

    Or? As if it's mutually exclusive.

    Too far would be using a microwave.

  4. Wow. Well, I don't do that and it's to good of a death for SpongeBob. To quick. Lol.

    That's crazy though. I just pitch sponges every couple of days or wash the dish clothes in bleach. I figure bleach kills everything. No one has gotten sick from my cooking and I cook a lot.

  5. "It was bored?" Should be, "I was bored." And I think I can write? Ha! Ha!

  6. I just thought you'd started referencing yourself in the third person as "it". Surprising how easily I accepted that.

  7. So I'm an "it?"

    Lmao!!! I'm not THAT crazy.

  8. That's what a crazy person WOULD say.

  9. Oh!

    Well...this blog isn't titled "Sweetness and Light," now is it, Sugar? What did you expect? A little crazy never hurt anyone.


  10. Sweetness and light - WORST RECIPE EVAH!

    Quite frankly, when I began visiting this website I assumed it had something to do with veterinarian procedures to help animals with damaged extremities. How wrong I was.

  11. LOL.

    Yeah, um, you were mistaken. Just wait till tomorrow. God only knows what I'll post.


    "veterinarian procedures" Bwahaha! Here kitty kitty...

  12. S'okay. I don't care much for cats**.

    I'm waiting on some dude on Twitter okaying my next blog post. Meanwhile I'm working on the banners for the blog re-launch I'm planning. Which has been hell. Absolute hell...

    **okay, I like cats but I'm allergic, so they make me want to hug them and fend them off with a fork, simultaneously.

  13. Twitter. I refuse to Twitter on principal.

    I'm a dog person, therefore the only "cat" allowed in my house is me, lol.

    So what are you doing to your blog? Just revamping it or making a completely new one? Same topics or different ones? Just curious...

  14. I don't understand why people Tweet, but I kind of enjoy it when they do. I only follow people who are celebrities I REALLY like. Or who I have heard of. Or who seem confident in on-line interviews. Or who follow me. I am such a whore...

    I'm worn to the bone trying this whole writing thing so I'm going back to the blog the way it used to be. "Nuttin' But Pancakes"

    I've spent most of this evening finding a decent butter milk and bicarb demi-spread jpg to adapt for the logo.

  15. Pancakes? A cooking blog? Or Just whatever pops into your head?

    You aren't quitting writing are you? I really liked the stories you put on your blog. The whole seven deadly sins thing was cool...

    "I am such a whore..." Admitting it is the first step to recovery, lol. Just teasing...

  16. I used to have the number 3 pancake blog on Blogspot, by page hits, but I didn't mess with the links so they were legitimate hits compared to some of my "rivals".

    I'm actually a professionally trained chef but I drifted into business consulting through contacts in the local council. Pancakes are still my life though. Some people try to make a living from it, but I used to do it simply for the love of it. I think readers can tell the difference.

    It'll take me a while to get my audience back but I have a database of email addresses, and I never let my contacts in the scene die so it shouldn't be too hard.

    Or I could be lying.


  17. Uh Huh.

    "Or I could be lying."

    Good to know. I suppose I'll find out when you relaunch your blog...or not, lol. Anyone can be anything online.

    Except for me; I'm not that clever. And life is too short for games...

  18. And life is too short for games...

    You're such a girl.

    You don't stop playing games because you get older. You get older, because you stop playing games. (I wish I'd come up with that line, and I wish I could remember who did.)

  19. I'm such a girl?

    Gee, I'll try to work on that,lol.

    You're such a guy. Option one: Nice pancakes.